


"Life is only a flicker of melted ice"

by Windsofwinter



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Canon Universe, Character Study, Gen, Past Abuse, Pre-Season 5, Queen Nia should be her own warning, spacekru
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-23
Updated: 2019-04-28
Packaged: 2019-05-27 09:25:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 19
Words: 26,355
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15021614
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Windsofwinter/pseuds/Windsofwinter
Summary: "If Echo has learnt anything from living with them, its that SkaiKru are far too trusting, expressive, and frankly confusing."Little snippets of Echo's life on the ring.





	1. Day 26

**Author's Note:**

> Hi there! This is my first published fic and I don't have a beta, so I'm sorry for any mistakes! After Bellamy's line about Echo "Proving herself on the ring" I decided to think about what that would look like. I broke out my Echo backstory for this fic and honestly its probably pretty self indulgent and I have no idea if anyone else will enjoy it. 
> 
> Currently I have no plans to make this a ship fic, mostly because I'm not the best at writing romance, but I'll give fair warning if it strays that way. 
> 
> My writing is trying to mimic what I imagine Echo's style of thought would be, but if that's total awful let me know. 
> 
> I don't own the 100, obviously.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi there! This is my first published fic and I don't have a beta, so I'm sorry for any mistakes! After Bellamy's line about Echo "Proving herself on the ring" I decided to think about what that would look like. I broke out my Echo backstory for this fic and honestly its probably pretty self indulgent and I have no idea if anyone else will enjoy it.
> 
> Currently I have no plans to make this a ship fic, mostly because I'm not the best at writing romance, but I'll give fair warning if it strays that way.
> 
> My writing is trying to mimic what I imagine Echo's style of thought would be, but if that's totally awful let me know.
> 
> I don't own the 100, obviously.

_“Eternity is a glorious word, but eternity is ice.”_ ― Dejan Stojanovic, The Sun Watches the Sun

**Day 26**

 

Echo walks through the halls with a hard scowl etched onto her face, she did not understand how any person could have survived as long as the sky people claimed they did here. The ‘ring’, was not only ugly on the inside, it was constantly cold, and made an incessant humming noise enough to drive anyone to madness.

Echo stops abruptly, halfway to her destination just as Bellamy emerges from his room, she ducks around a corner while he passes, unaware of her presence. Echo had no idea how long it took to rebuild trust, having never truly trusted anyone before, Queen Nia taught all her spies that trust was for the weak. Echo couldn’t help but yearn for it though, seeing how easily the sky people trusted each other left an ache in her gut she couldn’t explain. While knowing little about forming lasting bonds, she knows she hurt Bellamy, any chance of trust fell over that cliff with Octavia.

So yes, one of the most feared spies in Azgeda is now ducking behind ridiculously loud machines to hide from Bellamy, attempting to follow the advice Harper had softly whispered to her their second day on the ring; ‘he just needs some time’, she had said. So, that’s what Echo was giving him, even if a small part of her knows she could die before Bellamy would consider forgiving her.

Echo continues to walk down the hall, cringing as each step reverberates ahead of her, her entire life she’s tried to avoid making any noise, and the ring seems determined to make her uncomfortable at every turn. Anxiety bubbles up her throat as she sees her destination, Raven’s lab. Echo had been stewing in her misery for 26 days already, feeling isolated and scared of everything around her, this was the first step in pulling herself together. Of course, Bellamy would be preferable, as he seemed to take more of the leadership position on the ground, but lately he’s been just as miserable as Echo, if not more so, and Echo really was trying to give him space.

Echo smiles slightly, remembering how Murphy had rolled his eyes when Raven had agreed with Harper’s advice.

“Yeah Echo, he just needs some space…space? Get it?!” Raven had said before laughing at her own joke.

The plan was simple, Echo knew she needed to prove herself, just like when she was taken from her mother at only four years old, gaining Nia’s favour had helped her survive, Raven was their co-leader. 

  
Prove herself, stay alive.

  
This was easier said than done, Echo’s only skills were spying and killing, neither seemed overly useful in space, but she had no choice, she wouldn’t be deemed useless.

Echo takes a deep breath before walking to the doorway of the lab, Raven has her back to the door and is currently hunkered over a very odd-looking contraption, muttering under her breath. Realizing Raven is far too engrossed in her assortment of wires to notice a new presence Echo awkwardly clears her throat.

Raven’s whole-body jumps, and she nearly topples off her chair, before gathering herself.

“Wow I can see why you were a spy, you totally snuck up on me, I didn’t hear a thing” Raven shakes her head slightly as she speaks.

Echo frowns, she’s well aware she made a lot of noise, though, she supposes Raven hasn’t had the training she’s had, and that machine hum would make it very difficult to detect real threats.

“Sorry…I didn’t mean to startle you” Echo resists the urge to fiddle with her shirt as she speaks, a nervous habit she’s had since she was a child. A habit which Nia had told her was simply unacceptable, she’d taught her to school all of her movements, until they were all intentional; fiddle with your shirt only to show vulnerability. Most of it had worked, she was perhaps the most static seven-year-old in Azgeda, but in times of anxiety her hands always stray to the hem of her shirt naturally.

“Oh, don’t worry about it, Finn used to say I always go into my own world when I’m tinkering” Raven turns to fully face her as she speaks, massaging the top of her leg. Echo briefly wonders if that’s her nervous habit, or whether she should be concerned, they don’t have a healer up here, she makes a note to ask Harper about it.

It takes Echo a moment to register the name, Finn, the Skaikru boy that massacred the Trikru village, Echo had been told upon her exit from the mountain. He was important to Raven. Echo is unsure whether she should acknowledge that, or if her saying his name in front of her is a sign of growing trust? Raven is looking at her expectantly and Echo takes that to mean she doesn’t wish to discuss the boy. Good, Echo can barely navigate a conversation free from the goal of manipulation, let alone one that requires emotional competence.

“What are you working on?” Echo says trying to seem confident.

“Just some radios, I’m tired of having to walk around to ask for some help or parts.” Raven says gesturing to the parts on the table, that Echo vaguely recognizes from seeing Skykru use them on the ground.

“That makes sense, I’d be happy to help if you need to retrieve anything.” Echo knows her strengths, and frankly she wants nothing more to do with tech than she has to, its all far too similar to the mountain for her liking, but running errands, while menial, she could do. However, the anxiety coils deeper in her gut as Raven seems to stiffen at the idea.

“No, its okay, the radio should make it much easier, you don’t have to do things for me.” Raven turns herself back to her chair as she speaks, sounding slightly upset, massaging her leg harder.

Echo realizes a moment too late that she may have offended Raven by implying she was incapable, truly she had just thought it more efficient for her to help Raven, she could run around the ship while Raven continued to work, proving herself to Raven wasn’t going well.

“I didn’t mean to impl-“ Echo begins before she’s cut off as Raven turns to look at her again.

“Did you need something Echo?” Raven’s voice doesn’t sound angry, more frustrated.

“I thought you might like some company,” Raven raises her eyebrows as Echo says this, clearly curious. “I know Bellamy is still upset about his sister…and Clarke, Monty and Harper are engrossed with their farm and Murphy and Emori aren’t leaving their room much, but I understand that you probably work better on your own, so I will see you at dinner?” Echo finishes talk and tries not to cringe at her own awkwardness.

“No, you’re okay, you can come and sit.” Raven’s posture relaxes as she gestures to the chair opposite hers across the table.

Echo tries to contain her glee at such a small victory, aware that Nia would call her a bumbling idiot for caring so much about one girl’s approval. She can even picture her face, the scowl Echo worries she sometimes mimics, the flared nostrils, she tries to push it from her mind. Echo’s fidgeting increases as she realizes Raven’s eyes are still on her, wearing a frown different from before, and vastly different to Nia’s, she’s looking at Echo the same way she looked at the pod that brought them here, as if she’s an equation waiting to be solved. It makes Echo uneasy, and she has nothing to say, honestly Echo knew little about any of these people except Bellamy, so winning Raven over was very much a blind mission.

“You look uncomfortable,” Raven says bluntly “aren’t spies supposed to be good at hiding that?”

Echo scowls slightly before she sees the slight upturn in the corner of Raven’s mouth, she was teasing her.

“I was taught to always school your emotions until it wasn’t necessary” she says as if it’s the most obvious thing in the world, to her it was.

“Are you implying you can’t control yourself around me.” Raven continues to smirk as the tension of the previous interaction fades away.

“You wish.” Echo oddly finds herself smiling slightly again, “I mean I have nothing to gain by lying to you.”

“Hmmm, so you’re saying you could appear cool as a cucumber, but instead, you’re showing me this conversation has you shitting it because you’re trying to be a more honest person?” Raven raises her eyebrows again, trying to challenge Echo.

“Cool as a cucumber?” Echo knows she’s scowling now, much to Raven’s amusement.

“It’s an expression, it means relaxed, unbothered” Raven explains.

“What does that have to do with vegetables exactly?” Echo questions the sanity of Skaikru constantly, she wishes they would speak plainly.

“Nothing, its just a saying, because cucumbers are refreshing I guess” Raven replies.

“Right…” Echo isn’t sure how she’ll last with Skaikru if they continue to talk this way.

“It doesn’t matter, don’t avoid the question.” Raven says as she nudges Echo under the table.

“I’ve never had to live with the same group of people for as long as we will, it seems foolish to make myself lie for that long.” Raven nods along, tinkering with her wires, as Echo talks, seemingly satisfied. “also, you sky people seem to have a propensity for the truth, even to your own determent.”

Raven scoffs at that.

“So, you’re making jokes now?”

Echo simply rolls her eyes in response, its true, they’re frighteningly honest, it puts Echo on edge. She rolls the fabric of the bottom of her shirt between her fingers, they show weakness too easily, they’re lucky nobody thought to send a spy to Arkadia, they’d have what they needed in mere hours.

Echo is vaguely aware that Raven’s eyes are on her again, before the other girl gets up and grabs something from a nearby shelf. She drops it in front of Echo with a heavy thud, its another assortment of tangled wires.

“If you’re going to sit there and fidget, untangle those.” Raven sits herself back down and resumes working, not looking up to see if Echo follows her orders.

Echo’s fingers grasp the wires, finding the texture odd, but slowly begins to untie them, a soft smile crossing her face.

“Thank you Raven”

“Whatever, I couldn’t have you wandering around looking like a lost dog.” Raven replies grinning.


	2. Day 31-42

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I decided to post this today because it was already done so uhhh enjoy?
> 
> This does have some mentions of violence and past abuse so keep yourselves safe!
> 
> I don't own the 100 or any of the quotes used.

_Ice could sear and burn, sometimes far more intimately than fire_ ― Nenia Campbell, Star Crossed. 

**Day 31-42**

For the next week Raven continued to give Echo small, most likely pointless, tasks to fill her day. They would sometimes talk, often not, but it had become comfortable.

However, outside of the lab, they did not speak, in fact, Echo rarely said two words beyond the four walls where Raven worked. She had noticed, Raven and Emori speaking more at meals, she knew Raven and Murphy had a complicated friendship, so it made sense that she would befriend his houmon.

What Echo did not expect was for Emori to be sitting next to Raven when she walked into the lab. She shouldn’t have been shocked, Raven was a very caring person, and had already joked she was only being polite to Echo, whereas Emori seemed to have a genuine interest in her work.  
It made sense, Emori had scavenged tech most of her life, Echo could barely stand to be around it for too long, everything reminded her of the mountain.

It still stung, the feeling of replacement.

Echo sat in her usual chair, across from Raven, quickly starting to untangle more wires, picking out the red ones Raven requested. Her eyes travelled up slowly, to glance at Emori’s hand, which remained securely covered. Echo had yet to see the ‘mutation’, as Raven had called it, Emori was careful, particularly around Echo. Even now, Echo could tell her presence had set Emori on edge, she was struggling to concentrate on whatever Raven was saying.

Echo sighs, gathering up her pointless wires, and leaves the room, ignoring Raven’s questions of confusion. It appears Bellamy isn’t the only one she should be avoiding.

She arrives at her room and hastily settles on her cold bed, continuing to separate the wires, finding it oddly therapeutic. She’s taken back to another time, when she had been sent to spy on Luna and her clan, Queen Nia had been most displeased by the woman’s desertion of the conclave, it was one of her favourite topics to drill into Ontari. Thankfully Echo could usually sneak away, Ontari was not so lucky.

Echo had been sent to see whether Luna was plotting a coup against Lexa, Echo could’ve told Nia straight away that wasn’t the case, why would Luna flee the conclave only to come back and kill Lexa? The queen had many paranoias though, and she believed Lexa’s ideas of a coalition made her more vulnerable than Luna. Echo knew it wasn’t her job to understand why she was sent places, but upon arrival she thought the queen a fool, Luna was living more peacefully than anyone.

The girl she had pretended to be was a terrified warrior, fleeing from the Trikru/Azgeda conflict, Luna hadn’t hesitated to give her safe passage, particularly after she’d said Lincoln had sent her. In truth she’d only seen the man once, but other spies had informed her of his connection to Luna. Echo had sat with troubled warriors, they would tie and untie knots for hours, Echo had joined them as she observed.

Even now, Echo is sure her trip was pointless, the Queen was most pleased with the outcome though. Echo remembers the Queen’s disgusted look as she had described the community, the sick, the troubled, the outcasts. Echo nodded along as Nia berated Luna further, for associating herself with people like that, pushing down the feeling that Nia was wrong, they weren’t weak to want to live a better way. It wasn’t her job to decide what was right and wrong.

The wires reminded her of the rope, the familiarity of the action made her miss the sea air that surrounded Luna’s people, and the fish they’d eat all together. Raven had told her before that they were going to be a community, Echo had scoffed, community, family, they were ridiculous concepts, half the people on this ship hate her, the other half are afraid of her. She could deal with those emotions, they too, were familiar, the look of fear or anger settled her gut more than that of hope or friendship. She’d allowed herself to feel as though Raven could be her friend, she was wrong.

She had been Nia’s favourite, and had worn that title with pride for the longest time, until a family had been brought into the throne room, with guards proclaiming that they had been blessed with a nightblood. Nia had never looked so joyous, even if it was fleeting. The parents had been slaughtered, the child was barely ten, but her training had been merciless.

Ontari was less adaptable than Echo, constantly making the same mistakes over and over, Echo wasn’t much older but found herself becoming angry at the girl. She took pity on her eventually, sneaking into her room to help her with her wounds, explaining exactly what Nia meant for her to do. The queen could be cryptic, she would tell Ontari, don’t fidget or look away. The improvement was vast, the Queen became suspicious, and eventually noted the improved relationship the girl’s shared.

Echo’s hands on the wires faltered as she tried to extract a red wire, the memory overtaking her.  
  
Nia had been furious to discover, years later, Echo’s involvement with the nighblood, bellowing that she was making her weak. Echo had tried to explain, she was simply trying to help the future commander, that only made things worse.

She waited for the beating, it never came. Instead she was handed a whip and told to strike sense into Ontari, the fear had choked her. Ontari was barely fourteen, Echo had tried to reason, before the queen slapped her.

 

“To be strong, she must learn the bite of betrayal, the commander should trust no one, and neither should a spy.” She had spat.

 

Echo can still remember every detail, the weight of the whip in her hand, the horrible cracking sound, followed by the cries of pain.

The memory fades back into the corners of Echo’s mind as she furiously wipes at her eyes. Attachments are a risk, friendships cause betrayal.

So, no, she should not be angry, even if she is the most brilliant member of her clan, seeking anything more than an alliance with Raven was a waste of time.

She knows why Emori would not meet her eye, Azgeda were perhaps the vilest to Frikdreinas, she heard Queen Nia’s declarations enough to know that. There is no way Echo could ever make up for the treatment Emori has endured, it is a testament to her strength that she has come so far. Perhaps the kindest thing she could do is leave her alone, to learn with Raven.

Days pass like that, she goes early to collect wires that Raven leaves on the table, depositing the sorted ones in their place, and disappears back to her room, only venturing out to eat. She’s determined to do this, her life had brought nothing but pain to others, she could do this one thing for the people that saved her life.

She isn’t sleeping, not really. The constant hum prevents that, and more often than not, she wakes up in a cold sweat, thinking she’s back in that awful cage. The food is still awful, but at least Monty worked out the recipe, so it isn’t slowly killing them all now, and she’s still cold, but it’s a kind of peace.

An abrupt, impatient knock at her door almost makes her fall off her bed. She doesn’t get visitors.

 

“Come in?” she cringes at how scratchy her voice sounds from lack of use.

 

Murphy opens the heavy mechanical door and surveys her room, she suddenly feels self-conscious, but he makes no comment.

 

“Raven wants those blue wires.” Murphy says as he leans against the frame of the door, looking almost bored.

 

“I gave her those yesterday…” Echo replies, confused.

 

“Right, red then?” Murphy says, clearly irritated.

 

Echo passes him the wires and eyes him carefully, his stance is a lot less relaxed than normal, he always has a sort of awkward energy, much like what she imagines she displayed in Raven’s lab, like he’s waiting for someone to kick him off the ring.

 

“Thanks,” he waves the wires as an explanation as he speaks and turns to leave before letting out a groan and turning back. “are you okay? Do you want to talk?” he says the words as if they repulse him, they probably do, they certainly repulse Echo.

 

“I’m fine Murphy, why do you ask?” Echo suddenly wishes she was still holding the wires, she should be better at lying than this.

 

“Everyone is sort of…” he runs a hand over his face, either irritated or uncomfortable. “Worried about you.” He sighs.

 

“And they elected you to come and investigate?” Echo says, she may not know a lot about them, but Murphy never struck her as the empathetic type, or the comforting type.

 

“Yeah, I thought it was dumb too.” His shoulders relax slightly as he speaks.

 

“I just thought it best to stay out of the way.” Echo replies simply.

 

Murphy frowns.

 

“Who said you were in the way?”

 

“My presence upsets Bellamy.” Echo can’t help but think sky people are obtuse on purpose sometimes.

 

“Well yeah, but everything upsets him right now, and he’s not exactly in Raven’s lab a lot” Murphy still seems confused as he speaks.

 

“I didn’t want to cause Emori any discomfort…” she leaves the sentence hanging in the air, the implications are clear in the way Murphy’s jaw locks. They all have expressive faces, another weakness.

 

“Well, avoiding her like she’s diseased causes more discomfort Echo.” There’s an edge to his voice this time, it makes Echo shift on her feet.

 

“That wasn’t my intention…she seemed uncomfortable in the lab, when I was there, I didn’t want to stop her learning with Raven.” Echo tries to keep her voice steady as she realises, just like with Raven, her attempt at kindness had been misinterpreted.

 

“Maybe if you talked to her instead of isolating yourself, this would have been solved a lot quicker, she thinks she disgusts you.” Murphy’s voice still has that edge, but his stance has relaxed slightly.

 

“She doesn’t, I would never think that” Echo says softly, with a hint of sadness in her voice, and another memory to push back.

 

Murphy sighs again.

 

“I believe you, so please stop hiding in here and just speak with her, she’s not Bellamy, she doesn’t want space.” Murphy says before turning to leave.

 

The metal door closes with a loud thud as Echo sinks back on to her bed. Perhaps talking to Emori would help, they have more in common than anyone would think.

Echo runs her hands through her hair and tries to plan out approaching Emori.

 

One more attempt at friendship couldn’t hurt. 


	3. Day 45

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi again, I have been trying to write this chapter for a while, it was one of the chapters I wrote before publishing. I wanted to cover Emori and Echo because I thought while they'd be drawn to each other as the only two grounders, there would be tension. 
> 
> I wanted to explore Echo coming to terms with some of the bad things shes done, this won't be their last conversation about this but slow development seems realistic. 
> 
> Warnings would just be there's a discussion of Echo's involvement with the treatment of people with mutations, Its not graphic at all, but I know it could be an upsetting topic! 
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own the 100 or any of the quotes used.

_“The heart can get really cold if all you've known is winter.”_   ― Benjamin Alire Sáenz, Last Night I Sang to the Monster.

**Day 45**

It takes Echo a few days to pluck up the courage to talk to Emori. She knows she has no right to be the one that’s nervous, her people have terrorized people like Emori for years, she can’t imagine the dread the other girl must’ve felt when she realised she’d have to live with Echo for five years.

Echo awkwardly hovers by Murphy and Emori’s room, before knocking softly.

The door slides open to reveal Murphy, who smirks when he sees Echo.

 

“Glad to see you’re not dead.” His tone is joking, but there’s a level of gratefulness in his eyes.

 

He’s glad she’s taken him up on the talk.

 

“Emori” Murphy turns his head as he speaks, “Echo is here to talk to you.”

 

He grabs his cup of water and walks past Echo and mumbles just loud enough for her to hear:

 

“Don’t mess this up.”

 

Echo stands in the door way and tries to smile as Emori comes into view, she’s adjusting the cover to her hand, Echo feels another pang of guilt.

 

“Do you want to sit?” Emori’s voice is cautious, as if Echo is an animal that may bolt away at any moment.

 

“Thank you.” Echo sits on the chair nearest to the door and surveys the room, its no different to hers, Harper had explained that the part of the ark they were on had some of the nicest rooms, Echo learnt that nice meant big, not pleasant. Everything about Murphy and Emori’s room was better than hers however, there was an air of warmth and comfort that her sterile room couldn’t offer.

 

Echo knows that’s everything to do with the inhabitants, and nothing to do with the room.

 

“I’m glad you came, I didn’t mean to muscle you out of your routine with Raven” Emori’s voice remains soft, and nothing like Echo is used to, perhaps they all think she’s breakable.

 

“No, no it wasn’t anything you did.” Echo tries to say calmly, she had been worried that if she didn’t practice, nothing would come out right, genuine conversation with no ulterior motives are hard for her to navigate, lying and manipulation are second nature to her. “I was worried I would make you uncomfortable, and Raven seemed very excited to have an apprentice.”

 

“Oh…” Emori looks slightly taken aback, Murphy clearly hadn’t told her about their conversation.

 

“I understand my people have caused you distress, and I cannot say in my role on the guard and as a spy I have never contributed to the distress of people in a similar situation to you, I truly do not wish to cause you any.” Echo can only hope that Emori believes her, despite having hundreds of reasons not to.

 

“What did you do?” Emori’s tone is not accusatory, but there is fear in her eyes.

 

“When I was younger I was sent to report on children in villages, Nia said nobody was suspect someone so young.” Echo’s hand grasps the front of her shirt as an anchor from the memories.

 

Emori deserves to know her sins, lying wouldn’t help her now.

 

“You were a child, you didn’t know better.” Emori sounds unsure, and Echo is furious that she is trying to comfort her for the atrocities she helped commit.

 

“Perhaps, but then I was not, and I told Queen Nia that my uncle, who I had visited, had a child whose arm looked like it had been burnt.” Echo doesn’t want sympathy, her cousin had died because of her, because she had some twisted loyalty to a woman who could never love anything but power. “I don’t want or deserve your forgiveness.” Echo says meeting Emori’s eyes.

 

Emori simply nods and takes a drink.

 

“You don’t have it.” Her tone is no longer soft but holds no malice. “But these people are confusing, the ship is loud, and I don’t have the patience to teach them all Trig like they want.”

 

Echo furrows her brow, confused.

 

“What are you saying?”

 

“I’m saying, we need each other to stay sane because no matter what Raven says I am not getting used to the constant noise.” Emori still isn’t smiling, and Echo knows it isn’t much, more of a begrudging alliance, but it makes her feel better to know someone else finds this world strange.

 

“Do they really want to learn Trigedasleng?” Echo doesn’t remember any conversation that suggested an interest, save for perhaps Murphy.

 

“Yes, and while you’ve been hiding in your room I’ve been running lessons.” The contempt for the situation shows on her face, Echo can’t imagine it being easy. “So, you may not want my forgiveness, but you owe me at least one favour, so you’re going to teach them.”

 

Echo feels like she should object, explain that Bellamy wouldn’t want her to do that, but the look on Emori’s face suggests she has little choice.

 

“Have you asked Bellamy about this?” curiosity and worry gets the better of her.

 

“It was his idea, after Raven threatened to throw a glass of water over his bed if he took up anymore of my time, he asked if you could do it.” Emori seems to be trying to measure her reaction, she knows her face stays as still as stone, thanks to Nia.

 

She’s surprised Bellamy would suggest anything that would force them to spend time together, but she supposes it would be in a group situation, and they manage mealtimes without an issue.

 

“Oh…well, I suppose I could do that. How much did you cover with them?” Echo hasn’t really got much patience either, helping teach Ontari English had been a nightmare, though she was only a child.

 

“They know some things already, I’m sure you’ll manage.”

 

Echo notes Emori avoids the question.

 

“I better get on that then?” Echo goes to stand, sensing the conversation over.

 

“Probably a good idea, I said I’d meet Raven in her lab, but I’ll see you at dinner.” Emori still doesn’t smile but seems much more relaxed as they exit the room together.

 

As they bid each other goodbye Echo has a strange feeling in her chest, the talk hardly went well, but it was better than expected. In truth she’d thought Emori would throw her out of the room, but perhaps she’s as scared here as Echo is. It would explain her wanting to learn from Raven, things can be less scary when you understand them. Echo wishes she could react that way, instead of falling into herself.

She returns to her room and grabs the pad and paper from the desk that had previously remained untouched unless she shoved it against the wall to exercise.

She spends the next few hours trying to map out the best ways to teach trig, for the first time in the ring she has a feeling of purpose. 


	4. Day 50

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't own the 100 or any of the quotes used.
> 
> Mentions of past abuse.
> 
> Much like with Emori friendship will be slow going for these two.

_“There is no greater despair, than to tread with care upon ice that is already broken”_ ― Johnathan Jena

**Day 50**

It’s awkward. A feeling Echo isn’t particularly unfamiliar with, but nonetheless, its hardly desirable. Its their first attempt at a language lesson, they’re all sitting round the table that is usually reserved for meal times. Emori had volunteered to man the radio, as Bellamy put it ‘just in case’.

They’d begun not long ago. Twenty minutes ago, Echo reminds herself glancing at the clock Raven had insisted she use. Nothing had gone wrong yet, but Bellamy has yet to look up from his notebook.

She couldn’t blame him, he was clearly trying, and she could see his notes were very good. He’d just answered her question when Monty had failed to do so, and Raven had thrown a balled-up piece of paper at his head and called him a word Echo didn’t understand. ‘Nerd’ she thinks.

Murphy by far knew the most, but he didn’t like to engage, the clench of his jaw remained, and that awkward energy was back. She tried her best to encourage him, but neither of them had much patience, and Murphy only scoffed at her attempts.

They went through the alphabet and how to introduce themselves, Echo decided she’d teach them some useful phrases next. They’d have to go through it all again next time, if teaching Ontari was anything to go by.

Echo wonders briefly if Roan would’ve made a better teacher, he always seemed to get along with people better than her. But he wasn’t the most patient either, perhaps it’s a trait grounders share? A memory pushes at the edge of her mind, her mother, softly teaching her the things she was teaching the sky people now.

No.

She pushes the memory back down and continues with the lesson.

 

“ _Din yu na fis em op?_ ” Echo tries to speak as slowly, and clearly as possible.

 

“ _Din yu na fis em op?_ ” Raven repeats a little clumsily.

 

“That’s much better” Echo smiles slightly as she speaks.

 

“I’m hoping when we get back to the ground we won’t need to ask people to heal anyone.” Monty mumbles, writing something down in his notebook.

  
  
“Obviously, but we need to know how to ask in case.” Murphy scoffs.

 

Its clearly a point of contention, Echo had decided to bypass the names of weapons when Monty’s face went pale, claiming they’d ‘cover those later’.

 

“Okay!” Echo says trying to break the awkward tension that had descended on the room. “Now you can put the whole sentence together: _Ai Laik Echo kom Azgeda, din yu na fis em op_?”

 

Raven clears her throat awkwardly before attempting to speak:

 

“ _A Laik Raven kom Skaikru, din yu na fis em op?_ ”

 

They all go around the room and repeat the basic sentence, with adequate levels of success.

When Bellamy’s pronunciation is perfect, Raven throws more paper at his head, and Murphy smirks.

They adjourn shortly after that, with Echo telling them to review their notes.

Echo feels a presence remain in the room while she tidies, she’d heard the telltale sign of Raven’s slightly heavier footsteps leave, along with Murphy and Monty as they debated getting Raven to work on the ‘DVD player’. Echo makes a mental note to ask Harper what that is, she’s always patient with her questions.

She’d heard Harper’s light footsteps follow the debate down the hall. So that only left Bellamy.

Bellamy was calm throughout all the lesson, Echo reasons, it’s unlikely he’s stayed behind to hurt her, or kick her off the ring.

 

“That went well, right?” From the volume of his voice Echo can tell he’s at the window again.

 

She tries to school her expression before turning around to meet his gaze.

 

“Don’t show weakness” Nia’s voice rings out in her head.

 

She clears her throat and turns around.

 

“I think so.” She tries to read his reaction as she speaks.

 

Bellamy simply nods thoughtfully.

 

“Murphy and Raven…” she says hesitantly. “They weren’t always focused.”

 

Bellamy smiles this time, clearly thinking of his friends, and Echo wonders if the thought of her has ever made anyone smile.

Probably not.

Not since…

No.

She pushes a memory back again.

 

“I think Murphy is worried about trying his hardest and failing.” Bellamy says thoughtfully. “and Raven just isn’t used to not being top of the class.” Bellamy laughs softly at his own comment.

Echo hasn’t heard him laugh before.

  
“Should I be…trying harder, to keep them focused?” Echo tries to keep the waver out of her voice, this was all new to her.

 

Bellamy looks at her confused.

 

“I mean, you’re the _ticha_ , what do you think?” Bellamy says the trig word with raised eyebrows.

 

“These lessons are nothing like how I was taught, and I’ve only ever taught one person before” She doesn’t want to think about Ontari’s eyes, so focused on everything she said, clinging to her to help.

 

“What would happen in your lessons?” Bellamy’s voice is curious, she wishes it wasn’t.

 

Echo notes how relaxed his stance is, nothing like their first few interactions.

 

“Her grace would not tolerate any insolence, it was an insult to her kindness.” Her voice never wavers, Nia taught her well.

 

“She hurt you.” His voice is laced with pity.

 

She hates pity.

 

“I learnt quickly, others were not so fortunate.” Images flood her brain, but her face remains like stone.

 

“I’m sorry that happened to you.” He meets her eyes for the first time as he speaks, sincerity shining through.

 

He’s too expressive.

This conversation is making her feel ill.

 

“It was necessary, but I do not believe it is necessary here.” She wants to change the subject.

 

“No, I don’t think so either.” Bellamy glances outside of the window again, watching the world burn. “They’re still learning, so I think it’s okay.”

 

Echo is thankful that he doesn't try to push her on her past. 

 

“Did you have lessons on the ark before?” she’s not sure why she asks, a deflection from her own past? Or perhaps because this is the longest Bellamy has spoken to her since they arrived here.

 

“Yeah, some.” His fingers gently trace the window.

 

“What was your favorite?” he doesn’t seem to like farming or engineering.

 

“I liked history, but not the ark history, got enough of that on Unity Day.” He laughs at that, Echo doesn’t understand why. “My mother used to read to me about classical civilizations.”

 

“I’m not sure I know what you mean.” Echo says frowning, it sounds vaguely familiar.

  
“The Iliad and the Odyssey, stuff like that.” Bellamy explains.

 

“Oh, the commanders had copies of those books in the Polis library.”

 

Bellamy’s eyes light up briefly.

 

“I didn’t know Polis had a library.”

 

“Most of the books were in the storage units for a long time, different commanders would usually have a small personal collection.” Echo tries to remember what Queen Nia had told her.

 

“Did you ever see it?”

 

“No, Lexa had almost all the books removed from storage and allowed more of the general population to see it.” Echo remembered the day the notice was sent out. “but Queen Nia was…quite infuriated by it.”

 

“She didn’t want people to see the books?”

 

“Not really, the commander still had a small private library, the queen felt it insulted tradition.” And how she loved to say it.

 

“Odd.”

 

Echo makes a noise of agreement.

A sad look crosses Bellamy’s face.

 

“It’s gone now isn’t it?” Bellamy asks.

She isn’t sure if she’s supposed to answer, it’s obviously gone.

 

“I used to read the Iliad to Octavia…” his voice breaks when he says her name.

 

Echo’s gut twists uncomfortably in guilt.

 

“You must miss her very much” Echo replies carefully, she recognizes that they’re entering dangerous ground. “Would you like to talk about it?”

A flash of anger and pain flashes across Bellamy’s face as his body goes rigid.

 

“You wouldn’t understand.” There’s a hint of bitterness in his voice that makes Echo recoil.

 

He stalks off.

Echo isn’t sure this time whether it was something she said, or simply who she was.


	5. Day 72

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This took a long time to write and I'm still not totally happy with it.
> 
> I don't own the 100 or the quotes used.
> 
> Warnings: References and discussions of torture and anxiety.

_“ice contains no future , just the past, sealed away. As if they're alive, everything in the world is sealed up inside, clear and distinct. Ice can preserve all kinds of things that way- cleanly, clearly. That's the essence of ice, the role it plays.”_   ― Haruki Murakami, Blind Willow, Sleeping Woman

**Day 72.**

 

Echo isn’t sleeping.

Bellamy had suggested they all go for some ‘basic medical checks’, residual worry about the algae farm no doubt. It had all been fine, until Monty had said ‘blood sample’. She had started to shake as the sample was taken. The feeling was familiar, it made her sick, and weak. So weak.

As soon as it was finished she shut herself back into her room. That was nine days ago. She knew people were getting worried, all of them, even Bellamy had come to her door, tried to coax her out. They were always respectful, staying outside despite being able to open the door.

She hated it.

Hated their concern and how it made her feel wanted.

Hated their pity and how it made her feel broken.

She also hated staring at the ceiling while she relived every moment in that damn mountain.

She had been on a mission in Tondisi when Skaikru first landed, Nia had sent a message for her to continue onto Anya Kom Trikru’s village, to learn about what the general planned to do about the ‘invaders’. That’s why she was there, roaming around the forest, and that’s why they found her, the reapers. She can still feel their tight grip on her arms.

Her throat burns from the memories of her screams.

Her hands grip the thin sheets of her bed painfully as she wills the memories away.

The thin sheets made her miss the warm furs given to her when spying on the inhabitants of a village on the border of Azgeda, years before the mountain. Nia didn’t grant her more than needed. The furs were a luxury, Nia had taken them upon her return. She had looked disgusted by them. Echo had tried to reason that they were just a gift, Nia had slapped her. She should’ve known better than to talk back. She shakes her head, she wants to push all the memories away, she feels trapped by the past.

The Ark is cold, the memories make her skin feel like its burning. It’s an unpleasant combination.  
She hears movement outside, someone has stopped at her door, they’ve slid down to sit on the floor.

Noisy sky people.

Echo screws her eyes shut, willing the prickle of tears away.

Don’t be weak.

 

“Echo?” Harper’s soft voice rings through the door.

 

Echo remains silent.

 

“Are you awake Echo?” her voice is slightly muffled through the thick steel. “Monty is going to bring your food later, I hope that’s okay.”

 

Echo clenches her teeth, its not Harper’s fault she’s wallowing. There’s a long pause, for a moment Echo thinks she missed Harper walking away.

 

“Echo we can talk about it,” she hears Harper clear her throat, before continuing. “The mountain…”

 

When she hears the words, she feels herself go over the edge, her throat closes, and her lungs feel on the verge of collapse. Her heart hammers against her chest and the room begins to spin, her ears roar as blood rushes to them. She can hear a woman screaming in the distance, hollow and broken.

She can’t breathe.

Her vision is spotty, but she registers Harper entering the room and crouching down beside her.

Harper looks slightly afraid when her face is at Echo’s level. Its only then that Echo realizes the screams were coming from her own mouth.

She also hears slight movement near the door, and panics, more people to see her weakness. Harper seems to dismiss them. This isn’t the first time Echo has experienced this, it had first happened when she was six, a man had ben executed in the throne room, Nia had made her watch. Echo had almost bit through her tongue to remain silent, when she got back to the privacy of her room she’d felt like the was dying.

She wants to let out another scream of frustration, instead its just a broken sob.

 

“oh honey…” Harper’s voice is laced with pity.

 

Echo’s fists balled around the sheets. She hates pity. She knows if she could speak, she would say something vile to Harper.

Why couldn’t they leave her be, she can deal with this. She’s been alone her entire life, she doesn’t need soft sky people and an outcast to look after her.

And yet, when Harper’s hand carefully strokes up and down her back, she feels even more helpless. She’s never had any friends, the last person to genuinely offer comfort to her had been Bellamy, and before that it was Ontari, when she was young and innocent.

 

“Breathe Echo, its okay. You’re safe.” Harper keeps gently rubbing Echo’s back and counting her breaths until she’s calmed down.

 

“I’m sorry” Echo manages to choke out before Harper makes her drink some water.

 

They are both silent for a few moments, the air seems heavy with pain and grief. It makes Echo uncomfortable.

 

“I was the first one they took; did you know that?” Harper is still rubbing her back but is staring straight ahead at her empty wall.

 

Echo shakes her head, she’s not even sure what Harper is talking about.

 

“At the mountain, everything was fine for a while, they gave us food and clothes” Harper lets out an uncharacteristic bitter chuckle. “We thought we were safe, but not Clarke, Clarke knew.” She pauses again, before continuing “Clarke always knew.”

 

Echo looks at Harper and notices the haunted look in her eyes, she gently places her hand on Harper’s arm and squeezes.

 

“Maya, this girl, she told Jasper and Monty what they were doing to your people, we knew we’d be next.”

 

“Maya helped Bellamy.” Echo says as she remembers the brunette.

 

“That was her, so we volunteered for blood treatments, to buy us time, it was awful” Harper makes Echo drink more water before continuing. “It wasn’t enough, they took me, strapped me down on a table and they…” Harper’s voice cracks slightly.

 

Echo wishes she could help, she still doesn’t know what the Mountain Men did to the Sky people, from Harper’s story, it was worse than harvesting them for blood.

 

“You don’t have to tell me.” Echo whispers hoarsely.

 

“They used a drill, to get the bone marrow from my hip.” She lets the sentence hand heavily in the air.

 

Echo cannot fathom such a thing.

 

“They drilled holes…in your bones?” she feels a wave of dread pass over her as she says the words.

 

“They were going to use the marrow to help them walk on the ground.” Harper replies.

 

“I’m so sorry Harper.” Echo can’t properly express just how sorry she is that Harper suffered through that.

 

“Its okay Echo.” Harper smiles softly.

 

It wasn’t pity in Harper’s voice, it was sympathy.

 

“Does it…” Shame coils in Echo’s gut at the vulnerability, Queen Nia screaming at her in her head that she was being pathetic. “Does it happen to you?” Echo hopes she understands what she means.

 

“Sometimes, the medical tests freaked me out too, and Monty, and Bellamy.” She gives Echo another small smile.

 

“Really?” Echo had no idea, they all seemed calm.

 

She should’ve noticed, she allowed her fear to blind her. Queen Nia’s voice tells her she’s a failure, but Harper’s hand on her back makes her feel safe, its unsettling but wonderful all at once.

She tries to remind herself that Harper won’t hurt her, Harper understands.

 

“Definitely, Bellamy was just anxious about people getting sick.”

 

Bellamy is anxious a lot, Echo notes, she wonders if it’s a result of his upbringing.

 

“You all felt fear, but I was the only one that hid like a petulant child.” Echo’s voice has an edge previously not there, she was angry at her own weakness.

 

“Whoa, hey no.” Harper seems almost alarmed at Echo’s change in deminer. “We all struggled Echo, we just worked through it together.”

Echo frowns, feeling oddly left out.

 

“We wanted to help you too, but we didn’t know how.” Harper sounds genuinely guilty.

 

There’s an unsure knock at the door and Echo tries not to tense.

 

“It’ll just be Monty with your food, can I get it?” Harper looks to the door as she speaks, and Echo simply nods in reply.

 

Echo can hear them murmuring at the door, they’re talking about her, looking at her like she’s broken, she hates it. Echo stands up and fiddles with the water cup in her hand.

Monty smiles at her before speaking.

 

“I thought you might like the eat in your room.” His voice is soft just like Harper’s.

 

“I think…I’d rather eat with all of you.” She swallows. “If that’s okay?”

 

She looks between the couple trying not to show her unease. They both seem to genuinely beam with excitement at the idea, usually such shows of emotion would repulse Echo, this time however it causes a warm feeling to travel through her.

 

“I think we would all really like that.” Monty says.

 

Before following the couple out Echo grabs a tiny ball of wires, knowing she’ll need something to distract her at the table.

They had all tried for her, she could try for them.


	6. Day 80

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This has been sitting on my computer for a while, I'm still not happy with the end, but this won't be the only awkward conversation Echo has about how she views herself.
> 
> I don't own the 100.

_“Every man has his secret sorrows which the world knows not; and often times we call a man cold when he is only sad.”_ ― Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

**Day 80**

Echo sits at her chair in Raven’s lab, while the other girl explains to Emori the complexities of the ‘DVD player’. Harper had tried to explain it to her, but she was still confused. Raven’s technical explanation wasn’t helping either.

 

When she had walked into the lab this morning she had been nervous, expecting Raven to tiptoe around her breakdown. She shouldn’t have worried, in ‘true Raven Reyes fashion’, she had thrown wires at her and told her to ‘get off her ass and do some work’.

 

So here she was, doing some work.

 

 

“So, once it’s fixed we can have group bonding nights! Maybe it’ll force Bellamy to crack a smile” Raven’s foot nudges Echo’s leg under the table as she speaks.

 

 

Emori picks up a component and her eyebrows furrow.

 

 

“I don’t understand it.” Emori says.

 

 

Echo is surprised, Emori had embraced everything so far.

 

 

“What’s there to understand? People in the old world made movies, we have some of them.” Raven uses a screwdriver as she speaks. “You dealt with technology on the ground, right?”

 

 

“Yes, but I didn’t use it Raven, and what would we have used movies for?” Emori takes a sip from her cup after talking, Echo can see the cloth still wrapped loosely around her other hand.

 

 

“Well, I don’t know, but we have them now, and you guys will love them.” Raven shoots them both a grin. “You can pick the first movie if you want!” she seems beyond excited by that idea.

 

 

Echo frowns.

 

Raven seems to notice this and nudges her shin again

 

 

“What’s up? Terrified it will eat you?” She smirks at she says it, but only for a moment. “Shit, Echo sorry, I didn’t mean…its okay if you don’t want to be around it…”

 

 

Echo knows a scowl passes over her face, its not Raven’s fault though, she just doesn’t like feeling weak or coddled.

 

 

“Its not that.” She tries to give Raven a reassuring smile. “It just seems…pointless.”

 

 

Raven frowns, and Echo rushes to fix her mistake.

 

 

“I mean no offense Raven.”  


 

“The point is fun Echo, didn’t you use to do things just for fun?” Raven rubs her leg as she speaks and Echo cringes internally, she’s made her feel uncomfortable.

 

 

“No.” she doesn’t mean to grit her teeth as she speaks, these people are wearing down her defenses.

 

 

Emori looks between them cautiously.

 

 

“Never?” Emori’s voice surprises Echo.

 

 

“You did?” Echo had always imagined her life as only pain, perhaps that was narrowminded of her, it couldn’t have been easy, but she should have realized by now that Emori is far more complex than she thinks.

 

 

“Not often…my brother, Otan and I would sometimes make up stories about the travelers we passed…or come up with uses for the technology we found.” Her voice is soft, wistful and slightly pained.

 

 

Echo knows this moment is important, Emori is a closed off person, especially with her, she feels oddly touched to be present when she shares. She tries to push away Nia’s voice telling her that its worthless pursuit.

 

 

“That’s really nice Emori.” Raven places her hand on Emori’s arm as she speaks, Echo feels oddly jealous of the interaction.

 

 

Jealous means caring, caring is weakness, she tells herself.

 

 

“Me and Finn used to play board games, and sometimes he’d make up stories about earth, when I was upset about my mom…” Raven’s smile is warm, Echo is glad to see the pain is fading.

 

 

Echo isn’t sure what a board game is, it doesn’t seem like the time to ask.

 

 

“So, what, you just woke up, spied, and went to bed?” Emori says turning her focus to Echo.

 

 

Echo feels anxiety bubbling up in her throat again, she had hoped they could forget that. Discussing her past makes her uncomfortable, the memories makes her skin burn with shame and her throat close.

 

 

“You missed out all the murder.” Echo says bitterly, she’s not sure who she’s angry at, herself for being weak, Nia for depriving her of happiness, or Emori and Raven for having what she didn’t.

 

 

The other two girls share an uncomfortable look and Echo is overwhelmed by the feeling to run away.

 

 

“Echo…” Raven starts unsure.

 

 

“What? Don’t look at me like that, we all know what I am. Nia told me fun is for children, I am not a child and have not been since she took me from my home” Echo is ashamed that her voice had risen so much in volume, and she hates how her chest heaves in anger.

 

 

“Its not a bad thing to enjoy your life Echo…it can’t just be death and pain.” Emori tries to catch her eyes as she speaks.

 

Echo grunts and refocuses on her wires.

 

She’s sure she’s made everyone uncomfortable now.

 

 

“We’re all murderers Echo.”  Raven says. “But that’s not all we are, how do you expect anyone to look at you differently if you only view yourself that way.”

 

Echo scowls again, she knows Raven is right, but years of believing one thing is hard to erase.

 

Believing she could be something more feels a lot like forgiving herself, she hasn’t earnt that right yet.

 

She’s not sure she ever will.

 

Raven scoffs before speaking.

 

 

“Or you can just sulk, that works too.”

 

 

Raven moves from her stool to another machine, clearly deciding that the conversation is over, she fiddles with the contraption and pulls a disk from her jacket and places it in the DVD player.

 

The room is silent for a moment as Raven waits, staring at the screen, while Echo and Emori share an awkward look.

 

Suddenly the screen illuminates with the picture of a castle, and Echo’s eyes widen, and she unconsciously leans forward in her seat.

 

 

“Eureka!” Raven’s shout snaps Echo out of her gaze.

 

 

Raven turns to face the two grounders, her smile lights up the room and Echo doesn’t think she’s seen tech make anyone so happy before.  Echo looks to Emori and sees her smile reflects Raven’s too, and before Echo can stop it she’s sure her face is the same, their happiness is infectious.

 

A pleasant warm feeling rests in Echo’s chest as she watches Raven’s triumphant happiness, and Emori’s awe. She knows she should be afraid, restless, that everything about this situation would send Nia into a fit, but in that moment, she can’t quite bring herself to care.


	7. Day 90

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't own the 100 or quotes used.
> 
> Warning for mentions of past abuse 
> 
> I also know nothing about science/space.

_"The cold cut like a many bladed knife."_ **-** Israel Zangwill

**Day 90**

Echo grunts as her fist collides with the punching bag, her muscles ache and strain as she attempts to stay on her feet. She’s not sure how long she’s been at it, but she has no intention of stopping, she feels normal and in control when she exercises, its been the same ever since she was young.

The punching bag had been rigged in the corner of their public space, Echo had avoided using it for a long time, the room was too open, it made her senses run on overdrive. But her room felt cramped; she’d always lived in small spaces, most of her childhood was spent in a room no larger than the bed she slept on now, it was different here though, the space felt suffocating.

The bag swung violently as Echo landed a particularly heavy punch, she needed someone to hold it, like Johan always had. He was on the Queen’s royal guard, only a few years older than her, but his hulking physique made him look much older, even when they were children. His dark skin always contrasted the bright snow in a way that enchanted Echo, in her weaker moments, she missed his soft smile, one of the only lights in her miserable upbringing. Echo often wondered how his smile remained so warm, despite the horrors he’d seen.

Her fist smashes into the bag again as she tries to push the memories away. Echo doesn’t know where he is, he was alive before the world burned, she likes to imagine him safe, in the bunker with their people.

Nia’s voice tells her she’s a sentimental fool.

She pretends its sweat that makes her eyes sting.

 

“Pretending that’s my face?” Bellamy’s voice cuts through her concentration.

 

She should’ve heard the footsteps.

Echo isn’t sure how to respond, she’s not angry at any of them, they’re all so disgustingly nice. Even Murphy, despite his constant jabs, treats her like an equal.

She doesn’t know how to be an equal.

She’s angry that she isn’t adapting, all her life she’s had to adapt to any situation, but she’s at a loss.

 

“Of course not.” Echo winces slightly at the cutting tone of her voice.

 

Bellamy crosses his arms across his chest and laughs.

She doesn’t understand these people.

 

“I was kidding, but that’s good to know” he shifts slightly when he speaks.

 

Echo notices how his thumb rubs over the fabric of his sleeve as he stands there, his eyes dart around too. She isn’t sure if its her, or simply the ark, that is making Bellamy uneasy.

 

“I uh, thought you were Harper…” Bellamy speaks again, when its clear Echo won’t be replying.

 

Echo raises her eyebrow at that.

 

“Because we’re so similar?” a small smirk crosses Echo’s face when she speaks.

 

Bellamy looks away seemingly embarrassed.

 

“Harper is the only other person that uses the workout space…I’ve never seen you here before”

 

The smirk is gone from Echo’s face as awkwardness fills the room, she wonders if they’ll ever move past this, they’ve come a long way from her hiding from him, it doesn’t make it easier.

 

“Sorry…I can go.” Echo collects her towel as she speaks, already ready to flee the room.

 

“No, no it’s okay,” Bellamy’s words rush out as he looks down to his shoes. “actually, Harper is kind of small.”

 

“and they say I’m the one without any tact.” Echo tries to smile as she speaks to break the tension. 

 

Bellamy’s head shoots up and worry is painted all over his face.

 

“No, I just…Harper’s great.” He runs his hand through his hair. “I meant, I get worried about sparring with her…maybe we could train together, all three of us, you seem to know what you’re doing.”

 

Something warm flutters in Echo’s chest, she knows its small, he’s suggesting it because of her upbringing, but she feels needed.

 

“That works.” Echo tries to keep her voice steady, to not give away her nerves.

 

“Cool, well uh…we’ll come and get you next time we decide to train?”

 

Echo nods and turns back to the punching bag, hitting it three times quickly. The bag continues to swing in place, Echo briefly wonders if it hasn’t been fixed in place properly.

Echo can tell Bellamy is still standing behind her, its making her uneasy, but she continues to hit the bag nonetheless. Echo hears Bellamy move closer and her whole-body tenses, but he moves behind the punching bag and holds it in place.

Bellamy remains silent but gives Echo a nod to continue. She continues and after a while they swap places.

 

“You’re better than I thought you’d be.” Echo mumbles after a while, causing Bellamy to pause before his fist hits the bag.

 

“What?”

 

Echo clears her throat awkwardly.

 

“I just assumed, on the ground…Skaikru, you didn’t really use anything but guns.” Echo hopes she isn’t being rude, its very hard for her to tell.

 

She’s relived when Bellamy smiles slightly.

 

“Yeah, well Lincoln taught me a lot.” His face holds the smile for only a moment, until a brief look of agony crosses his features.

 

Echo isn’t sure whether to push, it seems very personal, and she only has a vague idea of what happened. She’s sure Bellamy should talk to someone else about this, feelings aren’t her strong suit.

 

“He did good.” Echo gives what she hopes is a warm smile.

 

“Yeah he did.” Bellamy whispers before punching the bag harder than before.

 

It was uncomfortable, she knows she should say something…to help. Her mind draws a blank, she wishes she knew more of what happened.

 

“Well training is a good idea, Raven said something about muscle deterioration up here?” Echo tries to steer the conversation into safer, neutral and well, boring territory.

 

“Yeah, its something about the gravity or pressure, I don’t really understand it.” Bellamy goes back to jabbing the bag with his fists and Echo wants to sigh in relief.

 

“Did it effect you when you first got to the ground?” Echo isn’t sure why she asks, its not like she cares what the sky people went through when they first arrived on the ground.

 

Bellamy pauses, seemingly taken aback by Echo’s interest.

 

“Uh…a little? I think the adrenaline helped a lot.” Bellamy replies.

 

Echo nods.

 

“Shouldn’t we get the others involved too?” Echo tries not to let her worry seep into her voice.

  
She’s sure Bellamy wouldn’t have offered if he wasn’t sure he could handle it, but the idea of perhaps training Bellamy to get revenge for Octavia isn’t exactly ideal.

 

“Maybe, we could bring it up soon.”

 

“Might help you not want to kill me.” Echo tries to laugh, thinking to joke would defuse the tension.

 

Bellamy stiffens again and scowls.

 

“Excuse me?”

 

“It was a uh…joke?” Echo’s skin flushes with shame.

 

“That’s your humor?” his voice drips with annoyance and something Echo can’t quite pinpoint.

 

“I didn’t mean to upset you.” She feels the conversation spiraling and is suddenly aware that she’s behind the punching bag, near the wall, and has limited escape options.

 

Realistically Echo knows she could disarm Bellamy if she needed to, but it would sabotage any other potential friendships.

Nia’s voice tells her she shouldn’t care, that he’s a threat to her.

She waits for the blows to come, the anger and shouting. Memories swim around her head, of Nia and often her many consorts striking her, teaching her a lesson as they would put it.

Her heart races and her palms sweat, she’s ashamed of her reaction, she feels weak.

Bellamy stares at her with a strange expression on his face, he folds his arms and Echo tries to calm her breathing.

 

“Are all grounders obsessed with their death?”

 

Echo clenches her jaw.

 

“I wouldn’t know.” Tears of frustration sting her eyes.

 

“I’m not going to kill you Echo, I’m not like that.” Bellamy clears his throat awkwardly, his face betraying the memories flooding his brain. “Not anymore.”

 

The true meaning of that sentence hangs in the air, he’s not like her.

It doesn’t make her angry, it makes her even more ashamed.

 

“Okay.” She whispers.

 

Bellamy clenches his jaw and walks away.

Echo and Harper start training together after that, so Bellamy clearly told her, he doesn’t join them. 


	8. Day 100

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So the finale happened...
> 
> Everything I know about algae comes from google. 
> 
> I don't own the 100 or the quotes used.

_Snow, delicate snow,_

_that falls with such lightness_

_on the head,_

_on the feelings,_

_come and cover over the sadness_

_that lies always in my reason._

_-_ Miguel de Unamuno.

**Day 100**

 

Echo pauses outside of the algae farm, Harper said she was tired after sparring, so had asked Echo to help Monty. She had been flattered that Harper had trusted her with something so important, well, perhaps not very important, but it made a warm feeling blossom in her chest.

The heavy metal doors slide open and Echo silently enters, Monty smiles when he sees her, and Echo tries not to push down the happiness it causes.

 

“Hey Echo.” His voice is light and soft, it comforts Echo in a way that should make her uneasy.

 

“Hi Monty, Harper went for a rest, she um…said you might need some help?” She tries not to cringe at how awkward she sounds, she never stumbled over her words before coming to space.

 

She has a moment of worry that Monty would be disappointed, but his soft smile remains on his face.

 

“Great! We just have to add some nutrients and double check all the bulbs.” He hands her a bowl of what looks like grain as they begin to walk around the small room, occasionally adding grain to the algae.

 

They work in silence and its peaceful, after a while Monty starts to hum a song Echo doesn’t know softly. Though, Echo doesn’t know any Skaikru songs, but she likes it.

When he stops Echo decides to ask him about it.

 

“That was nice, what was it?”

 

“oh, it was my friend Jasper’s favorites, it has words too, but he always said I was tone deaf.” He smiles sadly as he speaks.

 

Echo knew about Jasper, she had gathered enough from the hushed whispers between Monty and Harper and the way Bellamy would elbow Murphy if he made an ill-timed joke.

 

“I’m sure you’re not that awful.” She elbows him softly as she speaks, hoping the action portrays the comfort she wishes to give.

 

“Thanks, we used to sing it together while we worked sometimes…it was stupid.” Monty frowns a little, Echo wonders how often he replays that memory.

 

“It doesn’t sound stupid.” If Echo was honest, it did seem silly, but she knows that’s because she never had a true friend to do such things with. She couldn’t bring herself to hurt Monty like that. She tells herself that she cares because she’s stuck with these people for five years, not because the way Monty is frowning makes her chest hurt.

 

“What about you? Any embarrassing friend stories?” Monty finishes writing the daily report and turns to focus on her.

 

Her throat feels like its about to close. Why are all these damn sky people obsessed with her childhood?

  
  
“Not really.” She shrugs and hopes he doesn’t pry.

 

“Must’ve been lonely.” He’s turned back to his book now, most likely sensing Echo’s discomfort.

 

Echo tries to tell herself to calm down, there’s no threat here.

 

“Sometimes…” she admits quietly.

 

“Was there anybody?”

 

Images of a young Ontari and Johan fill her mind, and for the first time, she doesn’t want to push them down, Monty is sweet, and open, telling somebody something couldn’t hurt.

Nia’s voice fills her head, about how they’re the enemy, how she’s being weak, that she’s a shame on her clan for willing giving anything.

Monty’s patient silence helps her push those thoughts away.

 

“I looked after a little girl for a while, the queen was tutoring her…” she doesn’t give a name, she knows what Ontari became.

 

She was unrecognizable by the end, spoilt, angry…she almost pitied her, but not quite. Echo felt the guilt of what she’d become, if she’d have pushed back harder, she could’ve trained with the other nightbloods, no matter Nia’s opinion of Lexa, she wasn’t cruel.

She still remembers the look on Ontari’s face when Nia had first forced her to take a life, she went from that scared little girl to someone that murdered children while they slept.

She shakes her head, those memories make her feel ill, but she knows it cannot be separated, Echo was a scared child once too.

 

“It didn’t last I take it?” Monty’s soothing voice cuts through her anxiety.

 

“No, then there was Johan.” She wanted to move on from the Ontari topic as quickly as possible. “I don’t think you ever met him.”

 

“I don’t think so, who was he?”

 

“He was…” Echo struggles to find the word, before space she would’ve said friend, her only friend. But seeing how Skarikru interact, it pales in comparison. She tries not to feel bitter about that. “an ally.” She finishes.

 

“How did you know him?” Monty’s voice is laced with genuine interest, it throws Echo, nobody has asked her for this much information with no ulterior motive.

 

“He was on the queen’s royal guard, he used to sneak me fruit and bandages.” She smiles at the memory.

 

“Is he? I mean, where is he now?” Monty shifts awkwardly, death is a hard topic for him Echo notes, not for the first time.

 

“I’m not sure, Roan kept him on, they were friends…I think? They were always around each other.” Echo furrows her brow, trying to recall when she last saw him. “I hope he’s in the bunker, he’s smart and calm, he could help.”

 

“I hope that too.” His voice is so earnest it throws Echo again.

 

Sky people are far too honest. Echo smiles despite herself.

 

“Was he just a friend or…” Monty trails off.

 

Echo wants to laugh, it isn’t the first time its come up, last week Raven had made a joke that Echo wouldn’t be as moody if she “got some”. By the time Raven had explained to Echo and Emori what that meant she was far more embarrassed than Echo.

She never would’ve thought Monty would ask.

 

“Yes.” Echo laughs as she speaks. “Definitely just a friend.” Ally, she thinks, but the distinction matters less to her in the moment.

 

“Cool.” Monty nods, seemingly deep in thought. “I guess spying doesn’t leave a lot of time for that sort of thing?”

 

“Not really.” Echo shifts, getting a little uncomfortable, pushing memories away.

 

She knows Monty doesn’t mean any harm, her hands grasp at the front of her shirt unconsciously. She didn’t need to worry, Monty, caring as ever, recognizes her discomfort, he reaches out and squeezes her arm.

She’s overwhelmed by the urge to run but pushes it down.

 

"Well if spying ever falls through, i think you'd make a good farmer." Monty says softly. 

 

Echo laughs a little before clearing her throat. 

 

“When I was younger, I had to scout a lot, there was a village near where I lived.” Echo sighs as she lets the memory take over. “I used to like to watch the farmers, one family had a daughter, she would work in the fields too.”

 

Echo looks down at her hands, as Monty silently waits, always so patient.

 

“I hated her, and I know that makes me a bad person, but I did. She always looked so happy.” Echo looks up to meet Monty’s eyes, they’re filled with understanding and Echo hates it.

 

She just said she hated a child she didn’t even know, and he’s looking at her like she still deserves to be listened to. She never told anybody this, not even Johan. It occurs to her briefly that Monty would make a good spy, not in the same way as Echo, but Monty makes people want to share. It’s a valuable skill, but he’s too kind to ever use it.

He’s a better person than her, she thinks miserably.

 

“You didn’t hate her Echo, you wanted the stability she had, that doesn’t make you a bad person.”

 

“How can you think that?” Echo knows it makes her a bad person, Nia loved to remind her how ungrateful and awful she was.

 

“You didn’t hurt her, did you? Or do anything bad? You just saw her and felt bad.” Monty asks.

 

“No, I wouldn’t want to hurt them, they were good people.” Echo says unsure of Monty’s point, her envy made her weak, that’s what Nia had told her.

 

“Exactly, if you were a bad person you would’ve tried to take out your feelings on them, if you hated them you wouldn’t call them good people.” Monty smiles reassuringly at her and she feels a tiny weight lift off her shoulders.

 

“Oh…” she’s not entirely convinced, but it feels better.

 

“I’m sure you’ve done bad things Echo, but what you just said, wasn’t one of them.”

 

Echo sighs in relief, she’s glad he’s not coddling her, she has done unforgiveable things, but maybe Monty is right, envying a family isn’t bad.

 

“Thank you, Monty.” Echo says giving Monty a genuine smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If anyone is curious the song i imagine Monty and Jasper singing is 'ain't no mountain high enough'


	9. Day 109

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was harder to write than I thought, I didn't want it to be a 'spacekru react to a movie!' chapter but they do talk about it. 
> 
> Big thanks to VogueOn for helping me pick the film! 
> 
> I don't own the 100, disney, or quotes used.

_“Patience is to wait for the ice to melt instead of breaking it.”_  
― Munia Khan

**Day 109**

 

“I just don’t understand.” Echo says to Emori as they turn the corner of the ship.

 

The ship hum softly echoes down the hall as the two women make their way to the make shift communal area.

 

“Well if you’d come to movie night you would.” Emori rolls her eyes as she speaks.

 

“Yes, I’m sure I missed out on a wonderful night of talking animals.” Echo says sarcastically.

 

Emori had explained what the film was about, she had mentioned a boy living in the jungle with singing animals, it sounded ridiculous.

“It was fun, we sang along a little.” Emori smiled. “I mean, nobody knew the words properly…”

  
“You sang?” Echo raised her eyebrows as she spoke, disbelief lacing her words.

 

“Don’t be miserable Echo.” Emori shoves Echo lightly and readjusts her arm covering before opening the door to the communal area.

 

“Oh no, what’s little miss sunshine complaining about now?” Raven’s voice rings from across the room where she sits opposite Harper.

 

Echo scowls as she sits next to Harper.

 

“She doesn’t want to come to film night.” Emori says sitting next to Raven.

 

“Again?” Harper sounds disappointed as she speaks.

 

Echo feels something uncomfortable twist in her gut at the sound, she’s letting Harper down.

 

“But we picked this one just for you!” Raven says with a mischievous look in her eye that unsettles Echo.

 

“You did?” Echo replies.

 

She isn’t sure whether to be flattered, or worried. Her eyes move from Raven and Emori’s grinning faces to Harper's’, she was looking at Raven and Emori with unease.

 

“Yep.” Raven says, popping the p as she speaks.

 

Echo shifts in her seat.

 

“What is it?”

 

“It’s called Frozen.” Raven seems to be buzzing in her seat, Echo isn’t sure what the joke is.

 

Harper seems to understand quickly as she groans next to Echo.

 

“Really Raven?”

 

“What?! Its perfect for her, I explained it all to Emori and she agrees!” the grin never leaves Raven’s face as she speaks.

 

“What is it about?” Echo plays with the bottom of her shirt as she speaks.

 

“A queen that has ice powers.” Emori says, her smile slightly less relaxed than Raven’s. In fact, Echo can see her judging her reaction carefully. She’s worried Echo may not take whatever joke Raven is playing well.

 

“Excuse me?” Echo says confused.

 

“She can control ice, right Raven?” Emori glances to Raven for a better explanation.

 

“Sort of, it’s difficult to explain, but you’ll love it! I watched it once when I was younger, we thought our ice queen would love to see another one in action.” Raven nudges Echo gently with her foot under the table.

 

Echo’s jaw clenches slightly at the word ‘queen’, she tries to push down the urge to correct them, they’re joking, she knows that, but it makes her skin burn uncomfortably. She knows she should be flattered, joke or not they’re including her, Raven said she was ‘our ice queen’, but its hard to keep all the images of Nia at bay.

 

Harper’s hand rests on her arm and squeezes lightly, bringing Echo back from the brink of a spiral. She fine, she reminds herself, there’s no danger here, she can trust these people.

 

“Will I have to sing?” Echo says trying to smile.

 

“No, but you’ll want to.” Raven replies winking at Echo.

 

Echo rolls her eyes.

* * *

 

Later that evening Echo cautiously takes in the make shift ‘cinema room’, as Raven had called it. Comfortable chairs faced a large screen and Raven pulls Echo to sit next to her. She tries not to be overwhelmed by the proximity, half of Raven’s body is pressed into hers and on the other side Monty sits, slightly further away, but still close enough for Echo to feel his presence. She hasn’t gotten used to the easy affection Skaikru give each other, whether its Bellamy drawing Murphy into his side to congratulate him on something or Harper gently helping Raven sit if her leg is acting up, or how they all seem to like physical closeness. Its even more disturbing when its directed at her. Murphy, to his credit always looks slightly uncomfortable with the affection too, which is probably why Bellamy is the main supplier of it, the younger man usually scoffs and pushes Bellamy away, but Echo doesn’t miss the tiny smiles that cross his face at being included.

Echo remains still and stiff for most of the film, Raven elbows her at one point, whispering that she needs to relax. It isn’t through lack of trying, the film itself is pleasant, she can’t help but smile slightly at Raven and Harper’s loud singing. The queen is nothing like Nia, Echo concludes, perhaps because she was loved. Echo tries not to think too deeply about it, Emori had warned her not to overthink it. She pretends not to notice how hard Bellamy clenches his jaw when one of the sisters almost dies.

 

“So, what did you think?” Raven nudges Echo’s side as she speaks once the film is over.

 

“Raven…” Bellamy’s voice warns from across the room.

 

“it was nice.” She wasn’t lying, it truly was nice, the technology alone left Echo in awe.

 

“You could tell your face that.” Murphy snarks before Emori rolls her eyes.

 

Echo scoffs and shifts, slightly uncomfortable.

 

“Ignore them Echo.” Harper smiles at her.

 

Echo can't help but smile back.

“You got it though, right?” Raven is grinning again, its much less teasing than the previous ones, it’s almost soft.

 

“Got what?” Echo’s voice was confused, Emori had told her not to overthink the film, so she really had tried to switch her brain off, was she supposed to have taken something from this?

 

Raven looked a little disappointed for a moment, but the look was gone before Echo could fully analyse it. An uncomfortable feeling grew in her gut as she feared she’d offended the other girl again.

 

“Nothing sunshine.” Raven chuckled.

 

Bellamy scoffs at the nickname and smiles softly at Raven.

Echo doesn’t think she’s ever been more confused by these people, they can be so plain speaking one moment, and the next its as if they’re speaking a language Echo can only hope to understand. Nobody seems angry at Echo for not understanding whatever Raven was trying to say, so she concludes it was a joke that she just isn’t in on. It stings a bit, but she doesn’t think they’re laughing at her.

Raven then starts talking animatedly about the other films she found, and how she hadn’t even heard of most of them. All of them seem to lull into a calm mood as they listen to Raven, Monty occasionally chiming in. Echo decides film nights aren’t so awful.


	10. Day 143

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ten chapters! I did not expect my motivation to go this far! Thank you so much for all the kind words! I genuinely didn't think this fic would have much of an audience so the fact people are reading it, and returning to it when I update means the world! You guys are awesome! 
> 
> I don't own the 100.

_“Ice burns, and it is hard to the warm-skinned to distinguish one sensation, fire, from the other, frost.”_ ― A.S. Byatt, Elementals: Stories of Fire and Ice

**Day 143**

The heater breaks. Raven and Emori work around the clock to fix it, but they have limited resources. Its been off for 4 days, Monty is worried the algae farm will be affected, despite the heat lamps. Echo feels utterly useless, it leaves an uncomfortable feeling in her gut.

 

They all complain, in Echo's opinion, a ridiculous amount, about the cold. She could deal with the cold, but the whining is becoming insufferable. She feels herself become snappy and irritable, her and Murphy feel one bad conversation away from a screaming match. Harper says its because they're similar.

 

Echo is used to the cold of course, she’s slept out in the snow before, and Nia wasn’t too concerned with keeping Echo's room warm. This is no worse, she finds it difficult to sleep, the thin blanket provides little warmth, but she seems to manage better than the others. Monty and Harper huddle together all hours of the day, Murphy seems slightly annoyed that he can’t do the same with Emori while she's working.

 

Echo rounds the corner of the ship, still deep in thought when she almost collides with Murphy. The man appears to be wearing at least three layers, and a deep scowl is etched onto his features. Most of them had taken to wearing as many layers as possible, within their first few days on the ring they'd searched for all the supplies left, most of the clothes were either too big or small. Murphy had seemingly managed to find some that were almost his size, unlike Raven who had spent the last three days in a jacket that was far too big.

 

Echo realises after a moment that Murphy is looking at Echo in slight confusion. She wonders if he had said something to her.

 

“You okay Murphy?”

 

“Aren’t you freezing?” Murphy's eyebrows are raised in disbelief.

 

Its only then does Echo realise she must look odd, compared to skaikru and Emori, who’s teeth constantly chatter as they talk, and shiver when they walk. She isn’t wearing a jacket, she’s embarrassed to admit hers was left in the lab on earth, she hadn't realised until she lay awake in bed that first night. Tears had stung her eyes, which she knew was stupid, it was only a jacket, but it was one of the few things she actually owned, she felt too awkward to ask for another one. Echo knows she is showing signs of the cold, they're just much subtler, and probably undetectable to these people, her muscles are constantly tensed but that happens even without the cold.

 

“No, I’m fine,” Echo replies, hoping he doesn’t pry.

 

“Really?” his voice is laced with disbelief and slight mocking. “Coldblooded sunshine?”

 

Echo scoffs at the use of Raven's nickname for her.

 

“Something like that.” Echo tries to relax her stance, the cold makes it harder.

 

Murphy seems to be trying to work something out for a moment before he shrugs.

 

“Okay well you can come with me to help Emori and Raven then.” He starts to walk away before she can respond.

 

Her eyebrows furrow in confusion for a moment before she follows. Murphy’s movements are still awkward and tense, Echo notes. A part of her wonders if she should ask him what’s wrong, he always seems on edge and nervous here, but Harper is right, they are too similar, it would only end badly.

 

When they enter the room Emori and Raven are discussing something while hunched over the heating system. Murphy ‘s steps immediately lighten upon seeing Emori, and a wide smile breaks across his face. He almost jogs over and places his hand on Emori ‘s back. Raven rolls her eyes at them, but Echo can see she is smiling.

 

“Have you fixed it yet?” Murphy says, his eyes darting around the room.

 

Echo stands awkwardly by the door, not really knowing why Murphy suggested she come.

 

“Not yet, I see you brought some muscle.” Raven says, tinkering with the machine, her head jerks in Echo's direction as she speaks. Echo looks her over, there are bags under her eyes, and her hand seems to tremble slightly, despite her light, teasing tone.

 

“Yep. You bring the brains, we bring the brawn.” Murphy smirks as he replies.

 

Emori looks up at Murphy from her place on the floor and laughs.

 

“What are we doing?” Echo relaxes slightly as she steps further into the room.

 

“We need you to move some machines, think you can spare some time out of your busy brooding schedule?” Raven replies.

 

Echo rolls her eyes.

 

“Just tell me what I need to move.” Echo says.

 

Raven gestures to a pile of what looks like broken or discarded tech, Echo doesn’t ask what they're for, she simply moves them away from the wall they're stacked against with Murphy doing the same. When they finish Emori and Raven move and open a panel in the now revealed wall and begin to tinker there.

 

Echo looks around, unsure whether she should leave, Murphy surprisingly looks similarly uncomfortable.

Raven sighs from her position on the floor, Echo can see she’s rubbing her thigh, the strain shows all over her face.

 

“Maybe you should take a break…” Echo says tentatively.

 

Raven’s head snaps in her direction and Echo suddenly feels very exposed.

 

“Just because you don't feel the cold doesn’t mean the rest of us want to freeze Echo.” Raven snaps, her jaw clenched so tight it looks almost painful.

 

Murphy seems to look between the two women with clear discomfort, moving to stand a little closer to Emori, who is taking no notice of the exchange.

 

“Raven I didn’t mea-" Echo tries to explain.

 

Suddenly Raven throws her tool down on to the floor, Echo suppresses the urge to flinch and tries to keep her face blank, Murphy visibly jumps and looks slightly panicked at the noise, whereas Emori simply lifts her gaze to glance at them both.  

 

“Do you want to fix it?” Raven says.

 

Anger and shame flares in Echo's chest.

 

“You know I can’t.” Echo's voice sounds tight as she speaks.

 

“Then I don’t need a running commentary.” Raven turns back to her work.

 

Emori looks at Murphy for a moment, the pair seem to have a silent conversation, before Emori also returns to her work.

 

“Raven, I uh, I think Echo's right” Murphy’s voice comes out as more of a question, and he shifts awkwardly from foot to foot as if he’s ready to run away. “I mean we aren’t going to die of you take five minutes…” he trials off when Raven turns and gives him the same angry intense look she'd shot at Echo moments before. For a moment Echo thinks Murphy might run away, before she sees him visibly steel himself and stand a little straighter. “You're taking a break Reyes, Emori has this covered while you do, working yourself to death wont help anyone.”

 

Raven looks between the three of them before sighing and trying to stand up, Murphy moves to help, and Echo can just see a flicker of smile on Emori's face. Her and Murphy do make a good team, Echo thinks.

 

“Sorry.” Raven mumbles as she passes by Echo to sit on one of the chairs in the room.

 

Echo grunts in response.

 

“So, tell us, was Azgeda always covered in snow? All year?” Murphy sits down opposite Raven as he speaks.

 

Echo remains standing in the middle of the room, unsure whether she should sit. She glances at Emori with unease, home is a still an awkward subject with her, Echo understands and tries to avoid the topic all together.  She tries to reason that Murphy brought it up, so its okay.

 

“Most of the time, we had short summers.” Echo says slowly.

 

“it’s the radiation, it effected the climate.” Raven says as she rubs her leg and takes a drink.

 

Echo has no idea what that means, but she nods anyway.

 

“That must have sucked.” Murphy says, grinning when Emori glances his way.

 

“So, you just don’t feel the cold then?” Raven asks.

 

“She is cold.” Emori says from the other side of the room, not even lifting her eyes from the heater.

 

“What?” Murphy asks, confusion evident.

 

“She's cold, not as much as you.” Emori laughs. “Her coat was in the lab, I realised after we left.”

 

Echo feels uncomfortable at the realisation that Emori had observed far more about her than she thought. She knows it makes sense, Emori's life also depended on her being observant, being able to get a read on people, but Echo has yet again underestimated her.

 

Echo suddenly feels very embarrassed; Murphy and Raven are looking at her like they're waiting for confirmation.

 

“You could've got a new one.” Emori says again finally.

 

“So, you've just been walking around cold, because you didn’t want to ask for a jacket?” Raven says, a slight look of amusement and sympathy in her eyes.

 

Echo still remains silent, calculating whether it would be more embarrassing to answer their questions or simply run back to her room.

 

“That's ridiculous Echo.” Murphy says before stalking out of the room.

 

Echo can admit that she isn't the best at understanding social graces, but she thinks that was a bit extreme. Raven and Emori look just as confused.

 

An awkward silence hangs in the air.

 

“Maybe I should go?” Echo says after a moment.

 

She turns to leave before either woman can reply, before she reaches the door Murphy comes back and practically pushes Echo back inside. He's holding a black jacket in one hand and awkwardly pushes it into Echo's hands.

 

“You should just ask next time.” He says, looking horribly uncomfortable.

 

“Nobody will kick you out for being cold.” Raven says.

 

“Okay.” Echo says, cringing at how raw her voice sounds.

 

She thinks that may have been the most embarrassing exchange of her life.


	11. Day 146

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I only updated yesterday but I have a backlog of a few chapters and instead of staggering them i'm posting this now! 
> 
> Warnings: An attempt at a short description of a small panic attack.
> 
> I do not own the 100

_They say that things just cannot grow_  
_Beneath the winter snow,_  
_Or so I have been told._

\- Winter Song, Sara Bareilles and Ingrid Michaelson

**Day 146**

 

Echo's head feels like there’s a lead weight in it, her throat feels scratched raw and she can barely intake a breath. Her limbs feel heavy as she moves to get water, she feels awful. Harper comes to see her, worried that she missed dinner and concludes Echo is sick.

 

She hates being sick, she wants to hit Raven when she comes to see her and says, “it serves you right for not wrapping up properly”.

 

Being sick makes her feel weak, and useless, it reduces her defenses. Being ill when she lived with Nia had been a rough experience, the queen provided little comfort, she was never a maternal person, not even towards her own son. She used to send healers to Roan, the rest of them were told to “just get on with it.”. So that’s what Echo tried to do, she slowly attempted to get dressed the next morning, and make her way to the communal area for another trig lesson.

 

It was a mistake, she realised almost immediately, her already short fuse is even shorter thanks to her horrible cold symptoms. She’s already snapped at Murphy once, and Harper's looks of sympathy are beginning to get on her nerves. Her jaw is clenched tightly, which does nothing to ease the throbbing pain in her head.

“Chon yu bilaik? Hakom yu kamp raun hir?” Echo says slowly, cringing at how nasally she sounds. “Translate it.” She sighs.

 

 

Bellamy keeps looking at her and she's trying not to stare him down.

 

 

“Done!” Raven shouts a moment later, making Echo wince in pain.

 

 

Echo pinches the bridge of her nose to help ease the pain slightly.

 

 

“Go ahead Raven.” She says after a moment.

 

 

“Who are you? Why are you here?” Raven grins as she speaks, clearly proud that she's picking up the language easier than before.

 

 

“Good.” Echo replies slightly pleased herself.

 

 

She sets them some more basic work, finding most of them like to write out their translations. She doesn’t have the energy to remind them that most grounders aren’t taught to write like she was.

 

Bellamy's concerned looks continue throughout the session, she snapped at him to focus once, its perhaps the most forceful she’s been with him, he had held eye contact for a moment before doing as she said.

 

When they finally finish Echo remains seated, her back aches and its an effort to keep her head upright. Monty casts her a concerned look as he leaves, Harper squeezes her shoulder in passing, even Murphy quietly leaves the room without his usual snarky comment. Echo concludes she must look awful. Emori seems to mumble something to Raven before catching up to Murphy. Echo waits for Bellamy and Raven to move so she can rest her head against the table, but she has no such luck, they both remain seated, looking at her with interest.

 

She wishes they'd get on with whatever they want to say, she has a small window between the class and her training session with Harper, she was hoping to sleep. Though a part of her is sure she won't want to get up once she has laid down, she’s not even sure she wants to move from her chair.

 

 

“We thought we needed to chat.” Bellamy says, oddly softly.

 

 

Echo can't help but curse every deity under the sun, of all the days.

 

 

“Right…” Echo replies, unsure.

 

 

“Raven told me about the jacket.” Bellamy seems to be attempting a reassuring smile, it doesn’t quite reach his eyes.

 

 

Echo blames the sickness for what happens next; she groans and does let her head drop onto the table. Echo can’t see them, but if the awkward silence is anything to go by, they're confused by the new show of vulnerability.

 

 

Raven, who Echo thinks is more brash out of the two is the one who breaks the awkwardness.

 

 

“So, uh, we realised we've been checking a lot with Emori, with me working with her and Bellamy trying to find Murphy a job.” Her voice sounds more unsure than Echo has ever heard it, but Echo refuses to lift her head. “We just wanted to check you were okay?”

 

 

Echo does raise her head then, and she’s sure the look on her face isn't exactly friendly, but Raven knows she isn't okay.  She knows she should be happy they’re checking on her, but Echo knows Bellamy is only doing it because he’s their leader figure up here, and she’d like to think Raven is showing genuine care, but her reasoning could be the same as his.

 

 

“You could've cancelled class Echo, we wouldn't have minded.” Bellamy says, Echo can tell he's frowning without looking.

 

 

“It was fine wasn't it?” Echo knows her voice is scratchy, but worse than that its defensive.

 

 

“Of course, and we're grateful you're teaching us but…” Bellamy pauses like he's worried for her reaction. “you're sick Echo.”

 

 

Echo groans again, she wants to go back to her room.

 

 

“Are you going to tell me there’s some ark rule about not working when you're sick?”

 

 

“We don't follow the ark rules up here.” Bellamy says, his jaw clenching slightly.

 

 

Echo doesn't have the energy to feel guilty that she's clearly said the wrong thing again.

 

 

“But we do have a rule about not letting people work themselves into sickness, remember?” Raven says, and Echo cringes, she had basically forced Raven not to work a few days ago when her leg had acted up.

 

 

“I've always worked when I’m sick.” Echo says softly, before her flu addled brain can stop her.

 

 

“Even when you were a kid?” Bellamy says confused.

 

 

Long buried memories of her mother's voice, singing to her softly and wetting her fevered forehead push at her mind. Blood seems to rush to her ears as she squeezes her eyes shut, willing herself to calm down, this isn't Harper in the safety of her room, this is Bellamy and Raven, the leaders of whatever odd space colony they've been thrown into, she can't be weak. Weakness is death she tells herself.

 

It’s no use, her breaths are coming out sharp and short, her heart seems to stutter in her chest almost painfully, the tips of her fingers are turning white where she's gripping the table. She can vaguely hear Bellamy and Raven talking, she isn't sure if its directed at her. Echo's body seems to shake uncontrollably, and her chair is pulled away from the table. She feels Raven's hand rest gently onto her arm, Echo shoves it away, the sudden touch terrifying her. She feels tears stream down her face and she wants to run away, she wants to be alone.

 

She doesn’t know how much time has passed but, suddenly Bellamy is kneeling in front of her. He is careful not to touch her, but Raven’s hand is hovering close to Echo's body.

 

 

“Echo, hey, how many fingers am I holding up?” Bellamy says softly, his hand coming into Echo's view.

 

 

“Three.” She manages to choke out.

 

Bellamy seems to smile at that.

 

 

“How many now?” he asks again

 

 

“One.” Echo's voice is hollow and raw, she can still feel her heart pounding.

 

 

“Okay, what about now?”

 

 

“Four.” She squeezes her eyes shut after she answers, her breathing has become more controlled, and shame starts coiling in her gut.

 

 

She is now aware of Raven gently placing her hand on Echo's back to rub small circles there.

 

 

“Once more, how many fingers?” Bellamy says, and Echo opens her eyes.

 

 

“Three.” She says.

 

 

“Good, I'm going to get you something to drink, and something from the algae farm.” Bellamy says, getting up.

 

 

“I don't nee-" Echo begins.

 

 

“Good thing I wasn't asking.” Bellamy cuts in, his features still soft as he leaves the room.

 

 

There's an awkward silence as Raven hovers by Echo, clearly unsure over what she should do.

 

 

“I'm sorry.” Echo rasps out.

 

 

“You don't have to apologize.” Raven grabs her chair and pulls it close to Echo before sitting.  “In Becca's lab, when the chip….when I was sick, I had seizures and blackouts, it was bad.”

 

 

Echo nods, unsure of where Raven is going with this conversation.

 

 

“It sucked, someone always had to be watching me, I felt…” Raven looked away, and seemed to swallow hard.

 

 

“Weak...” Echo whispers

 

Raven nods.

 

Silence hangs in the air, less uncomfortable than before. Bellamy comes in a moment later, a canteen of water in one hand and a ration in the other, he mimics Raven's move from a moment ago and sits near the women. Echo sips the water and eats her ration, trying to ignore the creeping embarrassment and ache in her head that already feels worse than before.

 

 

“Are you feeling better?” Bellamy says.

 

Echo looks down.

 

 

“Yes, thank you.” Echo replies, she feels better than a moment ago, but much worse than before their lesson.

 

 

“Maybe you should skip training today?” Bellamy asks.

 

 

Echo nods.

 

 

“And go to bed.” Raven says, “You look like crap.”

 

 

Echo gives a dry laugh.

 

 

“Thanks Raven.”

 

 

“I saw Harper on my way to the farm, she's put some more blankets in your room.” Bellamy says. “If it continues we can think about some medicine.”

 

 

Echo feels something warm settle in her chest, its comfortable but unfamiliar, she knows they aren't coddling her, but she's not used to being taken care of.

 

 

“I won't need medicine but thank you.” Echo tries to smile but it strains her head.

 

 

Bellamy rolls his eyes but doesn't push.  

 

They part ways after that, Echo pretends not to notice Raven trialing behind her until she reaches her room. She changes into her sleeping clothes quickly and uncharacteristically flops down onto her bed, burying herself under her blankets. Her eyes move to her makeshift nightstand, where someone has left some water, there’s a tiny scrap of paper next to it. Echo slowly moves to grasp it, there seems to be calculations scribbled all over it, Echo furrows her brow, confused. She knows the ark rationed paper, but she doesn’t see how this could have ended up in her room. Until she notices, circled in the corner a tiny message:

 

Get well soon Echo – Harper.

 

Echo blames the sickness for the tears that prick her eyes, she grips the note tightly in her hand as the edges of unconsciousness take over.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I named this chapter "Bellamy Blake is bad at staying mad at people if they need help." in my head. I do have plans to take some of the stuff that happened in this chapter somewhere I promise!


	12. Day 175

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I swear I wasn't lying when I said I had a backlog of chapters done, I'm just very bad at organizing myself! 
> 
> I do not own the 100.

_You've got ice in your veins, but you're smart enough to keep it from freezing your heart._ **-** Tijan

**Day 175**

It happens over a week, every time Echo and Harper train, Echo can see Raven hovering around the room. At first, she would say she wanted to do maintenance, but Echo could see her looking over. The women would mostly spar, but sometimes simply do drills. Raven always seemed to leave just before they finish, Echo isn't sure if she should ask, she also isn't sure if Harper noticed.

Echo delivers a blow to Harper's side that knocks her down, the woman just sighs but her smile remains on her face.

 

“That was better.” Echo says, helping Harper up.

 

“You still won.” Harper says in the teasing tone Echo has become familiar with.

 

Echo laughs and hands Harper her water, Harper bids her a quick goodbye and leaves to help Monty. Echo glances at Raven, who for once hasn't left early. She seems fixated on the open panel she's tinkering with, but Echo can see the way she keeps glancing her way, out of the corner of her eye.

 

“What did she do wrong?” Raven says eventually, her voice unsure, her eyes not leaving the wires in front of her.

 

Echo is surprised by her question but recovers quickly.

 

“Nothing, not really.” Echo replies.

 

“You won for a reason.” Raven casts Echo a glance.

 

“I think that reason is over 15 years of training Raven.” Echo laughs a little as she says it.

 

In reality Harper hadn’t blocked and covered herself enough, but she knew Harper knew that, they'd cover it more next time, she wondered why Raven was so interested.

Raven whistles low, in what Echo thinks is a sarcastic way.

 

“That's impressive, did little Echo have a sword too?”

 

“A dagger.” Echo says, a sense of dread inching through her body, she tries her best to keep her voice level.

 

“Better for little hands?” Raven asks.

 

Echo closes her eyes and tries to calm herself, reminding herself that this isn't Raven insulting her, this is just how Raven interacts with people.

 

“I suppose.”

 

“I can't imagine doing all that when you're a kid.” Raven says

 

Horrible memories push at Echo's mind, the blood, the screams, children Nia had made her trust, maybe even befriend. Echo shakes her head almost violently to rid the images.

Echo just grunts in response.

 

“I mean, I killed people on the ground.” Raven seems to clench her jaw. “a lot of people.” Echo nods, sensing Raven isn't finished. “its not like I’m proud of it, I was at the time, at least a little, but not that people were dead, I was proud I made my people safe.” Raven says, fiddling with her brace. “I mean at the time your people were killing mine so it seemed like we didn't have a choice.”

Echo wants to correct Raven, Trikru were attacking Skaikru, not Azgeda, at least not then, but she knows Nia wanted to attack. Echo is sure if the mountain men hadn't intervened she would've instructed Echo to get involved, to use her odd, almost, alliance with Anya if needed. A large part of her is glad it hadn't come to that. She had seen the remains at what Skaikru called the “dropship", bones that looked like they belonged to the long dead. She knows that was Raven, and in truth, she was more than a little afraid of Raven's tech ability.

 

“That's understandable." Echo says, prompting Raven to continue.

 

“And maybe I could do it like that? Before I got shot" Raven's eyes seem locked on the training mats, a look of something Echo can't locate in her eyes. “I was mostly always about machines, but I guess that’s because we didn’t have to use agility? It’s not like I've never thought about it, I asked Luna once, in the lab, if she would teach me.”

 

Echo hopes Raven is aware she is rambling, despite that, she thinks she understands what the other woman is asking.

 

“Raven.” Echo says firmly before Raven can continue. “Did you want to train with us too?”

 

In truth, Echo is worried about that, she has no idea what is wrong with Raven's leg, all she knows is Raven is constantly in pain. She wants to help Raven learn, partly to prove her use to the girl, but also because that look in her eyes Echo finally recognizes as determination. Raven wants to learn.

 

“Think you could handle me sunshine?” Raven’s tone is sarcastic but Echo realises beneath that is fear, a fear that Echo will reject her, or tell her its something she can't do. In that moment Echo knows she does really want to train Raven. A still unfamiliar warmth fills Echo’s chest at that revelation.

  
“Oh please, I've handled much more annoying.” Echo tries to give a reassuring smile.

 

Raven laughs.

 

“Is this how you learnt to fight? Drills and sparring and stuff.” Raven has gone back to tinkering.

 

A little part of Echo wants to laugh, because its so far from how she learnt. She doesn’t want to tell Raven the stories, she knows she is still earning trust, she's made lots of progress, the most with Raven. But she still sees how some of them flinch if she moves too quickly, how they're a little too careful around her.

 

“Not really.” She replies, pushing her memories away again. “Does the same time tomorrow work for you?”

 

Raven nods, grinning.

On the way back to her room later Echo stops by medical and starts rooting around the shelves and cabinets, unsure what she's looking for. She knows they don't have a lot of supplies, but she's hoping she can at least find some information, she knew of a few people with injuries like Raven’s, but she never saw them train. A part of her knows she could ask Raven, but she doesn't want the other woman to think that was her first thought. She finds a mess of pills and bandages and behind them a thick book. Its looks very old and battered, Echo doesn't understand the words on the front, her reading is better than most, it was almost vital to her work, some words simply fell out of circulation on the ground. She opens it and concludes it’s a book on medical basics, she carries it back to her room quickly to avoiding running into anyone and spreads the book out on her bed.

Echo isn't sure what healers would call Raven's condition, so she simply tries to find pages on legs and muscles, and later, when she remembered something Raven had said, spines. She reads well into the night, only really understanding parts of it, but feeling slightly better for having tried.

She stores the book under her bed and hopes nobody else wants it. Raven starts training with them the next day.


	13. Day 187

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so this is totally different to what I usually do so please read:
> 
> I was toying with ways to reveal some of Echo's past and landed on this. It does feature kids killing each other and I don't really have a way to sugar coat that. I know violence is pretty par for the course of the 100, but I know this fic hasn't really been that thus far so i wanted to give you all fair warning. I guess I just wanted some more Echo backstory reveal? I always imagined her on the ring would be a little bit of push and pull. 
> 
> I will put a little summary at the end in case anyone doesn't want to read the violent bits of the story. 
> 
> Let me know if you want more backstory reveal this way (Not all horrible things.), Your reviews are always lovely and make my day.
> 
>  
> 
> Warning for violence and Queen Nia related awfulness.

_“Maybe I should drown myself before I freeze to death?”_  
― Mark A. Cooper, The Edelweiss Express

**Day 187**

_Time seems to slow down, Echo is aware of every moment ticking by as she stands in Queen Nia's throne room, the Queen sits on her throne, a sneer plastered on her face, Roan sits to her left, but not the Roan she saw last, Roan as a child, his face newly scarred. He looks nervous, it took him a long time to grow out of that Echo remembers. She finds herself wanting to reach out to him, his face is filled with innocence, he's sitting on his hands as his mother looks over her hoard._

_Echo looks around her, children she recognises stand around tense, their eyes darting around settling on each other for only a moment. Johan, young again, but old enough to not relive this ritual, stands at the back of the room, his mentor stands near him. She wants to run to him, but that isn't how this works._

_Her eyes move back to the children, some of them look angry, others look scared. She knows her face is blank, she's been with Nia three years, she knows better. She knows every child by name, Joseph, Trisha, Niko, Lella and Tomas. She knows all their likes and dislikes, she knows Tomas misses his family, Lella doesn't remember her mother, Joseph shares his food with her. She thought they were friends, Nia told her they were a team, they trained together, they were to enter the field together._

_Echo feels the same unease the others are showing, something about this is wrong, they don't gather in the throne room. She'll look back and realise she should've seen it coming, in the tense frown Jonah wore across the throne room, in Roan's more than normal apprehension. In truth, she should have known the moment she met Johan, a few years older than her and always alone, he had no team, only a tight lipped mentor that scowled whenever Echo approached them._

_She was still a child, a child that trusted. Nia would tell her she was foolish, that one day she would thank her for this lesson. It was the first time Echo accepted she was truly alone. But in that moment, she simply waits for her orders, as do the other children._

_Nia twirls a dagger in her hand as she surveys her future spies, her warriors, her children as she would snarl before having them beaten. She nods her head to Johan and his mentor, they lock the doors and Echo feels her heart race. The back of her mind is screaming at her to run, that only bad things will happen, but she stays. She stays as Nia stands, she stays as she steps closer, walking between them, her hands brushes Echo’s cheek and she forces herself not to flinch, she strokes Tomas' hair and all Echo can do is watch._

_“Something has happened.”  Nia's voice is sickly sweet, like honey dripping into Echo's ear. The queen nods her head again and a man Echo barely recognises edges forward holding a brown bag, he looks at them all with something akin to sympathy. Nia steps away, back to her throne before continuing._

_Nia nods to the man again and he drops the bag in front of the children, the bag lands with a clatter and Echo can see a few weapons poking out. She's afraid. All of the children eye it for a moment, frozen to the spot._

_“Only one of you can live.” Her voice rings out in the tense silence, and for a moment time stops._

_Lella, being the smallest, scrambles to the bag first, grabbing a sword, and before Tomas can blink, she's run the sword through his chest. It was a mistake thinks Echo, despite the scramble to find a weapon herself. The sword is heavy and is stuck in Tomas' ribs, she's trying to pull it out to no avail, the small girl swings the corpse around as a shield, knocking Niko over in the process. Joseph surges at Echo with a spear, she narrowly ducks out of the way, grasping the dagger in the bag, waiting for Joseph to have thrown all his weight behind the attack, she shifts herself the stab upwards, the dagger cuts through his neck like its paper, blood gushes down covering Echo's arms and face. She pushes his limp body away from her and whirls round, Lella is still using Tomas as a shield, Echo fumbles for Joseph’s spear and throws it with force, aiming for Tomas' back, it pierces through and comes half way out the other side. It does what Echo wanted Lella falls, Tomas lands on top of her the spear linking their bodies together._

_Niko and Trisha are circling each other, both with a sword, they crash together, the sound piercing through the hall, Echo doesn't look at Nia, she needs something else to throw, they aren't focusing on her. She could use her dagger but then she would have no weapon to use on the remaining fighter. Echo's eyes scan the room, she sees the bow mounted on the wall, it was ceremonial, Nia's father's, she has used similar only a few times but has little choice. She grabs the weapon from the wall, pretending she can't feel Nia's glare. She knows she only has one shot, if she loses the element of surprise they could both turn on her. She lines up her shot, aiming for Niko, knowing if it came down to it she could overpower Trisha without a weapon. She curses at how loose the bow string has become. The arrow whizzes through the air and simply clips Niko's ear, he wheezes out in pain and snaps his gaze to Echo the moment Trisha does. Echo clenches her jaw, something she knows looks out of place on a child, she throws her dagger at Niko's head, it lands square in his forehead, Echo's stomach churns as his eyes roll back into his head._

_Echo only has a moment to run forward, grabbing the fallen boy's sword before Trisha takes a swing at her, the sword slices Echo's left side, pain shoots through her and she has to work to stay upright. She almost snarls at the other girl, their swords clattered together, the metal scrapping. Trisha has always been talented in dueling, Echo is lighter on her feet. She knows she can't let this go on, she surges forward, throwing her weight into Trisha's body, the sword scrapes her thigh, but she ignores it. Both of them crash to the floor, their weapons just out of reach. Before Echo can think her hands wrap around Trisha's throat, the girl scrambles underneath her, her nails break the skin on Echo's arm. Trisha seems to procure a dagger from her clothes and digs it into Echo's already open wound and twisting._

_Echo gasps out in pain, her vision goes starry for a moment, Trisha takes advantage of this and flips them over, her hand grips Echo's hair and she brings her skull up and smashes it back down. Echo cries out, she can feel the blood ooze out of her body, her vision starts to go. She thinks she sees her mother's face, calling her home. A part of her wants to give in so badly, allow her mother to bring her home, to the safety and warmth of her embrace, but another voice inside her is screaming to her to get up, she briefly thinks it may be her father, or Johan, or perhaps just her survival instinct._

_Echo pushes her head up in one last ditch attempt to live, her forehead collides with Trisha's, the girl is dazed for a moment, Echo seizes her opportunity, pushing with all her might to flip their positions once more. Echo barely registers her own movements as she grips Trisha's blonde hair with force, her palm presses against her forehead, she sees fear in her blue eyes, she ignores it and smashes her skull against the stone floor, over and over until the blue eyes that had once been soft roll back into her head and Echo hears and feels the sickening crunch of her skull caving in._

_The only sound in the hall is Echo's heavy breathing, suddenly Nia claps her hands together once, Echo's gaze snaps up. She slowly moves off Trisha and walks slowly over to kneel before the throne. She ignores the way her hands shake and hopes Nia does too. Echo bows her head._

_“Do you love me my child?” the queen says, her voice still sweet, like she hadn’t just witnessed children murder each other._

_Echo looks up, her body coated in blood, her wounds still stinging, she realises then the man who brought the weapons was Roan's healer, at least she doesn't have to stitch herself up._

_“Yes, my queen.” Her voice is quiet and scratchy._

_Nia walks forward and strokes Echo's blood-stained cheek._

 

Echo jerks awake, a scream dying in her throat, she only has a moment before bile rises in her throat and she vomits over the side of her bed. Her body shakes violently as tears stream down her face. Her hands scramble over her body, searching for the warm pools of blood. Instead she finds jagged scars, she lets out a breath, regaining a sense of where she is. It had been a dream, a memory, she thinks. She did have to stitch herself up, turns out the healer had been there as a precaution for herself and Roan. Nia had always been paranoid. She remembers the scalding pain of stitching herself up that night, how she hadn’t slept for weeks, every time she closed her eyes she felt Joseph's blood gush over her out of his throat, she heard the crunch of Trisha's skull breaking under her hand. Echo vomits over the side of her bed again, hoping nobody hears her.

 

Her paranoia was well founded, a few years later one of the children had launched himself at Roan, digging a dagger into his right arm. The queen had been livid, the boy was killed and strung up as “an example". He had been unstable long before that day, Nia seemed to think his anger could be tamed. It hadn’t ended well, but Roan was barely hurt, he carried the scar until his death.

 

Nia had been right, she had taught Echo a lesson that day, trust no one. Perhaps Echo had forgotten that, with these people up here, being kind and open. They sometimes look scared of her, but mostly they include her. They think she's a better person than she is. They trust her to teach them to fight, they trust her around weapons. Its wrong, she thinks. She doesn't fall back to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Basically Echo has a dream of a memory where she had to kill the kids she was training with (who Nia had said were her friends.) to survive/prove her loyalty (Red Room from MCU and the hunger games kinda deal). She wakes up and starts to doubt herself and her place on the ring.


	14. Day 194

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't like drawn out angst so this chapter shouldn't be surprising (it is a lil short tho). 
> 
> Also my classes start next week but I will try and keep updates semi consistent.
> 
> I also wanted to set up for some more Emori and Echo scenes because i wished we'd seen more in season 5.

_“The water hears and understands. The ice does not forgive.”_ ― Leigh Bardugo, Six of Crows

**Day 194**

It turns out Skaikru are a lot harder to put off than Echo thought. She's been trying to avoid them for days, she doesn't want to admit how Harper's face when she cancelled training made her heart ache. She reasons that she's doing her a favour, Harper shouldn't have a killer teaching her. Raven just laughed when she told her, clearly unconvinced by Echo's sudden change of heart.

 

She's back to hiding from people, she's currently trying to sneak to get her rations. Monty was clearly upset with her too, but he didn't seem to have the heart to be rude. She wishes he would. She enters the communal area and sees he left her food out. Guilt coils in her gut but she pushes it down.

 

She hears heavy foot falls and scans the room before realising miserably she'll have to face whoever it is. She wants to groan when she sees Bellamy enter the room. He crosses his arms when his eyes catch hers. Her hand grips the front of her shirt to ground herself. She feels exposed under his gaze.

 

“I've been looking for you.” Bellamy says, his jaw is clenched tightly, his eyes look hard and slightly annoyed.

 

“Did you need something?” Echo replies, trying to sound bored.

 

“You know we are a team up here.” Bellamy says, seemingly trying to stare her down.

 

Echo simply nods in reply, being a team is paramount to their survival, Raven had said as much.

 

“So, you don't just get to give up.” Bellamy takes a step closer as he says this, and Echo eyes the exit just behind him.

 

“I haven't" she replies, and she means it, she has reevaluated, changed her approach, but she hasn't given up.

 

“You're ignoring everyone and isolating yourself.”

 

“Why do you care Bellamy?” Echo snaps.

 

Bellamy sighs.

 

“People died for us to be up here.” Bellamy's voice is tight, and he glances out of the window down to the burnt earth.

 

Clarke's name hangs unspoken in the air. She doesn't know what to say to that, Clarke had died helping them live. Echo wonders if they wish Clarke was here instead of her, almost definitely, she thinks. Does that mean she owes it to Clarke to try harder? She wants to scoff, she hardly thinks Clarke would want her near her friends.

 

“I'm not doing anything.” She says scowling.

 

“Exactly!” Bellamy's voice rises in volume.

 

“I'm trying to protect you all! Don't you see that?” Echo is shouting now, almost ashamed at the lack of control.

 

Bellamy scoffs then and takes another step closer.

 

“From what?”

 

She doesn't want to, in fact she's been distant to avoid being cruel, but Bellamy won't let this go, he doesn’t see why she's dangerous, even though he is the most angry at her for what happened on the ground. She closes her eyes and wills any feelings of guilt away.

 

“Don't you remember Bellamy?” she steps closer to Bellamy, her voice dipping into that sickly sweet tone Nia would use. Bellamy has been kind, she thinks, kinder than she'd be in his position, but its for his own good. Echo swallows before continuing. “I almost killed your little sister.” Her own voice brings her disgust but Bellamy looks horrified and she knows its working. “Do you want to know what she looked like? When my sword plunged into her gut?” She practical spits the words at him and he takes a step back. “That's who I am Bellamy, is that who you want teaching Harper and Raven to fight? I could show them the move that took down Octavia? Wouldn't that be good bonding Bellamy?”

 

For a moment unrestrained fury flashes on Bellamy's face, his fists ball and Echo thinks he may actually attack her. Its for his own good, she reminds herself again. The fury is replaced by a look Echo can only explain as absolute agony. Guilt and shame burn through her. She sees his eyed fill with tears for a moment and she wishes she could take it back. After a moment his face goes blank, fear rises in Echo.

 

“Whatever your problem is, you need to get over yourself.” He says, his voice shaking slightly.

 

He storms out.

 

Echo lets out a breath but before she can move Emori comes around a corner.

 

“What the hell was that?” her voice is laced with anger.

 

Echo curses herself for not realising the woman was listening.

 

“I didn't say anything that wasn't true.” Echo replies her jaw clenching.

 

“Do you think its easy for him to be all friendly with you?” Emori is less angry now but Echo can tell this conversation won’t be ending any time soon.

 

“What would be easy, is for him to hate me.” Echo says.

 

“Easy for him? Or easy for you?” Emori asks.

 

“What?”

 

“You don't get to choose Echo, if Bellamy wants to hate you, he will. If he wants to forgive you, that’s up to him. Emori sighs. “If I want to be scared of you for the whole time we're here that’s my choice.”

 

Echo frowns, she knows they aren't very close and that Emori still holds some resentment, but she didn't think she was afraid of her.

 

“I don't understand.”

 

“You want him, and everyone to hate you because that’s familiar. Forgiveness is harder, living like this is harder.” Emori explains.

 

A sinking feeling takes over Echo, Emori may be right, her motivations might be selfish. She hadn’t considered it, she groans internally, wishing she could've had this epiphany before she burnt a bridge with Bellamy.

 

“its just something to think about.” Emori shrugs and turns to leave. “You should apologise to Bellamy.”

 

Something niggles at Echo and she calls out before she can stop herself.

 

“I won't hurt you Emori.”

 

Emori stops dead in her tracks and turns around.

 

“I know you really believe that, but someone is always the most expendable.” Emori looks sad when she speaks.

 

Emori leaves the room before Echo can correct her, she wants to say if anything she'd be the one to be left behind, Emori has Murphy, and Raven would surely choose her apprentice over a woman she just about tolerates. Another part of her wants to say that none of them are expendable, that they're a team, but she isn't so sure.


	15. 201

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Was it dramatic to make Echo push everyone away just so her and Bellamy could talk? Maybe. But they're both so damn stubborn! 
> 
> Same old comment, this is only really scratching the surface, while Echo is working through her stuff Bellamy is working through his. 
> 
> Disclaimer: I still don't own the 100 or any quotes used.

_Every time you go out on the ice, there are slight flaws. You can always think of something you should have done better. These are the things you must work on._ **-** Dorothy Hamill

 

**Day 201**

 

Echo was only four when she was taken from her family, all her memories of them are blurry. She remembers her mother the most, sometimes she forgets her face and lies awake until she remembers. At this point she doesn't know if the picture in her mind resembles her mother, but in her weaker moments its comforting.

 

She was a seamstress, in a small village just outside of the Azgeda capital. Her father had been a blacksmith, Nia used to snarl that she'd saved her from a life of mediocrity. That her parents were nobodies. She liked to taunt her, test her loyalty. She barely remembers what love feels like, she does remember the look on Bellamy's face when he thought Octavia was dead, the pure agony and devastation.  She doesn't think she’s ever felt that.

 

She'd felt…something when she learnt of Anya's death, she'd met the woman a few times, they had a good rapport, she isn't sure if the other woman knew she was Azgeda. She suspected that she did, she supposed she should be grateful, Echo knew Anya had no reason to show anyone from Azgeda kindness, especially considering her relationship to Lexa. She was always pleasant though, she couldn't say much beyond that, Anya was hard to read, even for Echo.

 

Ontrai's death had left her feeling empty, she'd already mourned the girl she'd cared about. She'd been sad, in a way, when Nia had died despite everything, the woman would the closest thing she'd had to a mother in years. She knows that should horrify her, it does, a little. Nia had always said Echo was like a daughter to her, sometimes she felt like one. Other times she'd wished for the woman's death. Roan's death was harder, even after being banished, his death represented more to her, he was the last heir to the Azgeda throne. In a way his death liberated her from her duty, if she hadn't already been banished, but she felt hollow with the knowledge of it. None of that seemed to come close to what Bellamy felt, or how Monty feels about Jasper.

 

She stands awkwardly outside of Bellamy's door, she avoids this area of the ship, she'd picked her room when she wanted to avoid everyone. She tentatively knocks on the door and waits. She hears some movement inside and the door slides open. Bellamy looks surprised to see her and pushes some hair away from his face before leaning against the side of the door frame. His hair is much longer, Echo notes, she wonders if he doesn't know how to cut it.

 

“Hi.” Echo says lamely.

 

 

“Hey.” He replies, his voice tinged with disbelief.

 

 

“Can we talk?” Echo tries to keep her voice level.

 

 

“Sure, do you want to come in?”

 

 

She's surprised its that easy and follows him inside. She feels slightly uneasy when the door slides closed, essentially trapping her. She stands awkwardly and takes in the room, its not dissimilar to hers, he doesn't seem to have many personal effects either. She sees a copy of a history book on his bed, she can't make out the title, but she assumes he found it in one of the many empty rooms. Bellamy sits on the bed and gestures for Echo to take the chair near a make shift desk. She briefly wonders why he has one.

 

 

“I wanted to say sorry.” Echo has always been a straight to the point sort of person.

 

 

“For trying to kill my sister, or for throwing it in my face?” Bellamy says. “Or for saying you'll teach Raven and Harper how to do the same thing?”

 

 

Echo clenches her jaw, she supposes that’s fair.

 

 

“All of it.” Echo replies, keeping her voice level. “I thought I was doing what was best for everyone, by pushing you away, but it was what was best for me.”

 

Bellamy nods.

 

 

“Thank you for saying that.” He says. “I'm not going to tell you its okay.”

 

 

“That's fair.”

 

 

“Family is a sore subject for you.” Bellamy says, an obvious observation that makes Echo laugh.

 

 

“Trust is a sore subject for me.” She says, and she think Bellamy almost smiles.

 

 

“Do you remember them?” he says the words carefully, like Echo is fragile.

 

 

“Not really. I saw my uncle once.” She winces at the memory. “Other than that, I haven't seen them since I left.”

 

 

“Any siblings?” he asks

 

 

“I don't think so.” She hopes they had more children, and sometimes wonders if they were alive, but it seemed pointless to worry over.

 

 

“So, you wouldn't understand.” His voice doesn't hold malice, but its harder than before.

 

 

“I guess not.” She replies.

 

 

“All my life, I had to protect her, I delivered her, I raised her, she was my world for so long.” Bellamy's eyes mist over as he speaks. “And on the ground, I couldn't protect her.”

 

 

“You did your best.” Echo says, honestly, she doesn't know what to say.

 

 

“I made mistakes.” His voice breaks a little.

 

 

“Everyone does, I'm sure she did too.” She hopes it’s the right thing to say.

 

 

An odd look flashes across Bellamy's face, Echo isn't sure what memories he's trapped in, they don't seem pleasant. Echo shifts awkwardly, she hadn't really thought it would go this smoothly, she'd expected a door slamming in her face.

 

Echo takes a deep breath before continuing.

 

 

“Its okay if you don’t trust me, I understand.” She says.

 

Bellamy nods.

 

 

“I want to trust you, and I don’t want to hate you. Living up here would be easier that way.”

 

 

It stings more than Echo thought it would, she knew that’s how he felt, but it being said so bluntly, it hurts. She hopes she can prove him wrong, but it doesn't seem like the time to say it.

 

 

“I hope it gets easier for you.” She says, because what else can she say?

 

 

“Me too.” He smiles a little as he says that, but its hollow.

 

 

“I’m sure she’s okay Bellamy.”

 

 

“Leading 13 clans that couldn’t even get along when miles separated them?” Bellamy replies, his finger tracing a scar on his arm as he speaks.

 

 

“You’d be surprised, almost dying can really unite people.” It’s a bad attempt at humor, but Bellamy’s shoulders relax a little.

 

 

They sit in silence for a moment, Echo isn’t sure if Bellamy wants to keep talking.

 

 

“She hates enclosed spaces.” Bellamy says, his eyes fixed on wall behind Echo. “Even the dropship.”

 

 

“It must have been hard.” Echo replies softly.

 

 

“She was always brave.” He continues, not looking at Echo. “I could never tell her, but I was so afraid.” Echo watches as his jaw clenches. “I don’t remember a time where I wasn’t afraid.”

 

 

Echo frowns, its understandable of course, living that way, it can’t have been easy. But Bellamy has always seemed self-assured.

 

 

“The way you took care of her was brave Bellamy.” Echo says, Bellamy looks at her then, like he’d almost forgotten she was there.  

 

 

Bellamy simply shrugs before standing.

 

“I have to go and meet Murphy.” He says.

 

Echo feels a little disappointed.

 

They both part ways, rather awkwardly, neither understanding the boundaries of their not quite friendship. Echo feels slightly better after their conversation. At hearing Murphy’ name, Echo realizes Bellamy isn’t the only person she needs to build bridges with. She can’t force Emori to like her, she knows that, but she feels hopeful that if she can hold a pleasant conversation with Bellamy, maybe she can help Emori feel more comfortable with her.


	16. Day 207

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter has some memori in it, or rather 'Echo reacts to Memori!", mostly because I think her not being around relationships would make her fascinated by both memori and marper (Hoping to write some Echo reacts to marper too). I think what memori have would resonate with her, the whole finding a person in a world that is harsh that doesn't reject you sorta thing? And in canon at this point they're still strong. 
> 
> But if you don't like memori you can skip this chapter i won't be offended. 
> 
> Warnings: lil discussion about Emori's past. 
> 
> Disclaimer: I don't own the 100 or quotes used.

_Close your eyes. Hear the silent snow. Listen to your soul speak._ ― A.D. Posey

**Day 207**

Echo walks with purpose to the workshop where she knows Raven and Emori will be. She hopes the girl doesn’t feel cornered but is almost impossible to get her alone. She thinks briefly that perhaps her fear of Echo causes her to avoid being alone. If Echo had to choose between talking to Emori with the chance of Raven listening or Murphy, she’d take Raven.

 

The ship creaks as she walks through the halls, she’s already more used to the noises than she thought she’d be. She used to lie awake at night jumping at every single one, she can’t say she likes them now, but its better. Echo opens the door to the workshop and is immediately greeted with the eyes of Raven and Emori, they clearly weren’t expecting visitors, if their shocked faces were anything to go by. Or perhaps they just weren’t expecting to see her.

 

“She’s alive!” Raven says sarcastically.

 

 

“Hilarious Raven.” Echo deadpans.

 

 

Emori stays quiet but smiles at the interaction.

 

 

“I don’t have any wires for you.” Raven says. “But you can move those metal panels if you need something to do.”

 

Echo smiles slightly at that.

 

 

“Actually, I just wanted to talk to Emori.” Echo says, stealing her nerves.

 

Emori’s head snaps to her then, she seems to self consciously tug at her hand covering, making sure none of it can be seen. Echo feels guilty.

 

 

“What about?” Raven asks, shifting slightly.

 

 

She doesn’t trust her, it’s the right choice, but it still stings.

 

 

“Grounder stuff.” Echo says after a moment.

 

They may be learning trig, but most of them still know very little about the cultures of grounders, she hopes Raven buys it.

 

Raven seems to have a silent conversation with Emori then, once Emori nods Raven sighs.

 

 

“So, I have to leave?” Raven asks, already getting up.

 

 

“Thanks…” Echo replies. “Training tomorrow? Can you tell Harper?”

 

 

Raven grins then.

 

 

“Yep, I knew you wouldn’t sulk forever.” Raven says, almost skipping out of the room.

 

 

“You made her day.” Emori says, continuing her work. Echo doesn’t know what the women are working on.

 

 

“I doubt it.” Echo says awkwardly.

 

 

“Oh, you did, she had a bet with Harper on how long it would take you to cave, Harper said it would be another week for sure.” Emori laughs a little as she speaks.

 

 

“What did she win?” Echo asks, amused.

 

 

“She gets to pick the next movie.” Emori replies.

 

 

Echo groans.

 

 

“More singing?”

 

 

“Definitely” Emori grins.  “You can sit Echo.”

 

 

Echo awkwardly perches on the edge of the stool.

 

She knows she could delay the conversation, make awkward small talk as the sky people often did, but she doesn’t think either of them would like that.

 

 

“When…” Echo cringes and trials off. “When did…it happen?”

 

She knows it’s a pathetic way to start the conversation. She also knows this is going to be uncomfortable, but she thinks that’s the point.

 

 

“When did what happen?” Emori replies, still not meeting Echo’s gaze.

 

She isn’t sure if Emori knows what she’s asking and wants Echo to say the words. Or whether its another classic case of Echo having no idea how to navigate genuine conversations.

 

 

“When were you sent away?” Echo says, her hand subconsciously grasping the front of her shirt.

 

 

“I was an infant, I don’t remember what age.” Emori replies matter-of-factly, clearly not taken aback by the sudden subject change.

 

 

Dread coils in Echo’s stomach.

 

 

“Oh…” Echo whispers.

 

It wasn’t uncommon, but usually parents tried to hide the children for as long as possible. She can’t imagine the pain that would cause.

 

 

“Yep.” Emori says shortly.

 

 

“How…you said your brother was with you? Did he take care of you?”

 

 

“Always.” The other woman says, her eyes still cast down.  She appeared totally calm, but Echo could see the slight tremble in Emori’s hand.

 

 

‘I’m sorry you lost him, he sounds wonderful.” Echo says softly.

 

Emori just nods in reply.

 

 

“We have who we have when we have them.”  Emori says, its almost convincing, but her voice trembles slightly, Echo doesn’t want to push, grief is not something she’s good at handling.

 

 

“Doesn’t mean we can’t be sad about it.” Echo replies. “I think there are people far more qualified than me to understand up there though…”

 

Echo smiles in an attempt to let Emori know she won’t press on the topic. It seems to work as Emori’s shoulders untense slightly.

 

 

“I talked to Bellamy…” Echo says.

 

 

“I know, John told me.”  Emori answers. “His exact words were looks like they both finally took those sticks out of their asses and had a conversation like normal people.” Emori laughs quietly.

 

 

“Must they speak that way?” Echo says rolling her eyes, a full grin on her face now.

 

“It’s growing on me a little.” Emori replies, a soft look in her eyes.

 

Echo envies Murphy and Emori, just a little, she’s never been able to build friendships let alone anything else, her life was all about creating a façade, wearing a mask to survive, she never gave much thought to relationships. But those two, they’re so right for each other, no matter how cruel the world is to them they always have someone in their corner. One of Echo’s few memories of her father was during a cold night just before she was taken, she had sat in his workshop while he made horse shoes, when they had finished for the day he took her outside and told her all about the stars. He had pointed to the brightest one in the sky and explained that if she were ever lost, that star would help her find her way home, he had taken her hand as his eyes went soft and said; finding someone you want to spend the rest of your life with is a lot like that star, they always bring you home. Echo thinks Murphy and Emori might be each other’s north star.

 

Echo pushes the memory, and thoughts away.

 

“I wanted to say thank you.” Echo says, trying to push past any awkwardness.

 

 

“Because I was right.” Emori says, grinning.

 

 

“Yes, you were right.” Echo replies chuckling and Emori laughs too. “I’m glad you’re here Emori, being up here, without someone who gets how new everything is…it would be hard.”

 

Emori seems taken aback by the genuineness of Echo’s words. Its fair, before coming onto the ring she’d have never been this open. Damn sky people.  

 

 

“Seems like how Skaikru talk is rubbing off on you too.” Emori says, going back to fiddling with her work.

 

 

“Shof op.” Echo scoffs.

 

 

“You wouldn’t have been my first choice of grounder to be up here with.” Emori replies. “But you aren’t as awful as I thought”

 

 

“I think that’s a pretty good start.” Echo says shrugging.

 

She means it, it's all about baby steps, she thinks. 


	17. Day 220

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you all had a happy and spooky Halloween! 
> 
> These guys have perhaps my favourite dynamic? honestly spacekru is such a rich tapestry of dynamics no matter what combination i'm watching or reading or writing I am enjoying it.

_"No winter lasts forever, no spring skips its turn."-_ Hal Berland.

**Day 220**

 

Echo watched as Murphy swiveled around on the chair he had claimed in Raven and Emori’s work space, he had come by to try and drag Emori to an early lunch, he hadn’t had much luck but seemed to be amusing himself. Echo was sorting through some old medical files she found, most of the ark was digitized, which wasn’t ideal, but they seemed to commit some things to paper. She had hoped to find Raven working, so she could ask her some questions; their training had reached the point where sparring should be brought in. They had focused on building up muscle first, but Echo felt like she was ready. Echo, however, was not ready, she was terrified that she could exasperate Raven’s injury, even if the girl had reassured her that it would be fine.

 

Raven was not in the lab, so Echo had sat down and waited, she had been gone a while, Emori had simply shrugged when she had inquired where the other woman was.

 

 

“It’s a space ship Echo, she can’t have gone far.” Emori had said.

 

Murphy groaned from across the table and Echo suppresses a chuckle.

 

 

“Why do we have to wait for Raven to come back to get rations?” Murphy says, attempting to throw a ball of wires into a waste bin across the room. He misses. “Since when was Raven the boss?”

 

 

“Raven has always been the boss, you know that.” Emori says, laughing.

 

Murphy looks like he’s going to argue for a moment before chuckling too.

 

 

“Do you think I should go and look for her?” Echo says, pulling on the bottom of her shirt slightly.

 

Emori rolls her eyes.

 

 

“Sparring will be fine Echo, Raven isn’t stupid enough to do something that could hurt her leg anymore.”

 

 

“Yeah, but she’s also way too stubborn to admit she’s hurt.” Murphy replies, throwing another ball of wires. He misses again.

 

 

“Gee, thanks, this talk is really helping.” Echo says. “its not even about that, I just wanted to see what her expectations were.”

 

Emori nods to signify she understands, Murphy finally gets the wires into the waste bin and punches the air triumphantly.

 

In that moment, Raven storms into the room, throwing her jacket across the room, barely missing Murphy. She starts pacing irritably, muttering to herself. Everyone else in the room is frozen, seemingly all unsure what to do, or where to look.

 

“Raven…” Emori starts, awkwardly. “You okay?”

 

Raven stops, as if only then realizing she wasn’t alone, she blinks before pacing again.

 

“Totally fine.” She grits out.

 

Echo can’t help but wince whenever she notices Raven flinching, most likely at the pain in her leg, if her proceeding to hit the top of her thigh is anything to go by.  Echo can’t help but wish for Clarke’s presence in that moment.

 

 

“Maybe you should sit down.” Echo says, standing and offering Raven her chair.

 

Raven looks at Echo for a moment before slowly moving to sit down.

 

 

“What happened?” Murphy asks, scooting his chair closer, while Echo leans against the nearby wall.

 

 

“He just went off on me! Started getting angry that we couldn’t talk to the ground, I told him we can’t do anything about the levels of radiation, it was like he thought I was doing it on purpose.” Raven rants, picking up one of the files Echo was looking over before tossing it back on the table.  “Like I woke up and thought it would be really fun to mess with him.” She continues.

 

“Bellamy?” Emori guesses.

 

 

“Of course, Bellamy!” Raven replies. 

 

Echo looks from Murphy to Emori and is grateful they both look as out of their depth as she feels, collectively their upbringings weren’t the most conducive to being emotionally supportive. Emori probably had the best chance of being helpful, but Echo knew she wouldn’t want to say anything rude about Bellamy, they all understood why it mattered so much to him.

 

 

“It’s not personal Raven, he knows you’re trying your hardest.” Echo says, hoping its close to something comforting. 

 

 

“He’s probably just annoyed he can’t help.” Emori chips in, reaching for Raven’s hand.

 

 

“Yeah, and its not easy being cooped up in here, I mean Harper yelled at me the other day.” Murphy says. “She really yelled…I mean you saw.”

 

 

“Yeah, that was pretty funny, I didn’t even know she could be that loud.” Raven says, Echo notices the tears in her eyes and tries not to be uncomfortable.

 

 

“I’m sure he didn’t mean to upset you.” Emori says, squeezing Raven’s hand.

 

“He was talking like I didn’t think it was important.” Raven replies, clearly trying to blink the tears away. “I mean I don’t have a sister down there but it’s not like I don’t care.”

 

Echo notices how Murphy clenches his jaw and makes a mental note to talk to him before he goes and talks to Bellamy. She knows it would be very well-intentioned, but she’s sure Bellamy already regrets how he talked to Raven.

 

 

The next part is so quiet Echo almost thinks she mishears.

 

“I think Abby deserves to know too…” Raven whispers.

 

The room remains silent, tense. Clarke’s name hangs awkwardly in the air. They don’t talk about her, not really. Echo, mostly because she didn’t know her very well and it seemed wrong when so many around her are grieving. The rest of them, even Emori, seem to have odd connections, Echo doesn’t quite understand. She briefly thinks perhaps it would be healthier to talk about it, for all of them just to talk about what happened on the ground. But again, it doesn’t seem like her place.

 

A part of Echo, which does not speak, thinks it may be a small mercy for Abby to think her daughter is alive, at least for a little longer. She had no idea it was something Bellamy and Raven had discussed, she knew both also had odd relationships with Abby, while they all seem to deem Echo’s life lonely and miserable, at least she never had to deal with this.

 

It was an awkward position to be put in, she had never really had friends, so had no idea what to do when they fought, particularly about something like this, when it was obvious that neither of them meant to upset the other. Echo edges forward and squeezes Raven’s shoulder, hoping it provides the comfort she wishes to impart. Raven leans her head against Echo’s arm and the women tries hard not to flinch.

 

 

“It’ll be okay Raven, its not your fault.” Emori says in a soft tone.

 

They stay there in comfortable silence for a moment until Murphy jumps up. It makes all three women jump.

 

“I bet you three days of cleaning the latrines that I can make the shot from the door.” He says smirking and grabbing a ball of wires from the floor, where he’d previously missed.

 

Echo laughs.

 

 

“I’ve sat here for the past hour, you’ve made one shot out of ten.” Echo exclaims, giving Raven’s shoulder another squeeze as the woman attempts to brush the tears from her face.

 

 

“Echo’s right John, that’s a terrible idea.” Emori replies, grinning.

 

“I’m surrounded by naysayers, you believe in me right Reyes?” Murphy says, backing up to the line of the door.

 

 

“I believe you’ll be cleaning the latrines for three days.” Raven replies, smiling slightly.

 

 

Echo thinks perhaps Murphy is better at friendship than she gives him credit for. He’s definitely better than he gives himself credit for.

 

 

“Unbelievable.” Murphy scoffs, lining up to take his shot.

 

 

He misses.


	18. Day 234

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm alive!! I really wasn't supposed to take such a break from this but holidays and deadlines took over.

_"Laughter is the sun that drives winter from the human face." -_ Victor Hugo 

**Day 234**

 

Living in cramped conditions was hard for everyone, somehow, and Echo constantly wonders how, Monty and Harper stay upbeat. Well, as upbeat as expected, Monty still withdraws himself sometimes to quietly work on his algae farm. But Echo is sure she’s never once heard them argue, or even snap at each other. Its odd, at least to her. Monty and Emori were currently trying to convince Raven to let them go on a spacewalk, something Echo flat out refuses to be involved in, she starts to panic if she ever focuses too hard on the fact she’s living in space.

 

Harper and Echo sit opposite each other on the floor by the window listening to Monty and Emori’s attempts of bargaining across the room. Harper’s eyes stray over to the group smiling as Monty seems to make a point that wears down Raven’s defenses. Echo leans her head against the glass of the window and twirls a piece of wire between her fingers. She can feel Harper’s eyes shift to her as she gazes out of the window, watching the only home she ever knew become ash. She tries not to look too often, it causes an awkward lump to form in her throat.

 

Echo feels a tap on her foot and moves her gaze back to Harper, she’s giving her that soft disarming smile that’s so genuine it makes Echo’s heart judder. She’s really not sure how Harper stays so kind when the world gave her more than enough reasons not to be.

 

“Penny for your thoughts?” Harper asks, in a hushed voice Echo can only just hear above the noise of the other inhabitants of the room.

 

“What?” Echo replies confused, her brow furrowing slightly.

 

Harper only grins harder, if that’s possible.

 

“It’s a saying, like what’s on your mind.” She explains, her nose scrunching slightly as she seems to realise how odd the phrase sounds. “Which is weird because we haven’t had pennies for years.”

 

Echo smiles back, unable to stop herself.

 

“So, what's on your mind?” Harper prompts again.

 

“Its just…weird, being up here.” Echo sighs, continuing to twirl her wire for comfort. “While all that happens down there.”

 

Harper nods in understanding.

 

“its not like with all of you, you all have people to go back for, I don't have anything.” Echo continues, trying not to scoff at her own vulnerability, Harper has that effect.

 

 “But you still want to go home?” Harper asks.

 

Echo sighs and points out the window.

 

“I think that's it, there.” She points to a completely scorched part of the earth. “Raven explained where we were once…I like sitting here when it goes past.” Echo admits. “Not much to go back to.”

 

“But you want to.” Harper presses with sympathy in her eyes.

 

Echo nods, trying to will the tears away from her eyes.

 

Harper gently takes Echo's hand in hers and squeezes.

 

“Raven will get us down, as soon as its safe.” Harper assures her.

 

“I don’t think I'll be welcomed back.” Echo laughs darkly, shaking her head.

 

Harper shrugs.

 

“You'll just have to stay with us then.”

 

Echo knows that likely won't happen, every voice in her head screaming at her that they'll all be glad to get rid of her, but Harper is looking at her with an intense level of genuineness that Echo's heart feels like it might burst from the gesture. All she manages to do, however, is clear her throat and nod awkwardly.

 

“Good.” Harper exclaims, drawing a glance from Monty that she dismisses.

 

There's a beat of silence before Harper continues.

 

“You stopped wearing your braids.” Her tone id clearly an attempt at a casual question.

 

Echo pushes down the uncomfortable feeling that creeps up her neck whenever a member of Skaikru or Emori notice anything about her.

 

“Yeah.” Echo replies lamely.

 

“Is there a reason?” Harper presses.

 

Echo glances out the window again.

 

“Not really.”

 

“Can I do it?” Harper asks, making Echo's eyes snap up, her expression must be that of shock because Harper is suddenly stumbling out more. “Oh god, is that inappropriate? Have I just like…asked to marry you in Azgeda tradition? I just used to braid my friend Monroe's hair…just forget I asked.” Harper finishes, blushing slightly.

 

Echo can't help but smile a little.

 

“No, it’s nothing like that, of course you can.” Echo pauses “If you still want.”

 

Harper visibly relaxes and scoots forward and starts to gently braid Echo's hair. Echo can't say she regrets saying yes, but she's suddenly struck by how intimate and awkward the situation is. She likes to think they're friends, or at least the closest thing to friendship Echo has ever experienced, but she's not used to being close to a person for any extended period of time. It seems to happen constantly on the ring though, Skaikru are very tactile. Harper's fingers in her hair is soothing and she fiddles with the wire in her hand absentmindedly.

 

Echo can't remember anyone braiding her hair before, she's sure her mother did at some point. She braided Ontari's when she was still young enough to trust Echo, she had been unable to sit still, it had been a nightmare.

 

Echo notices Monty watching them with curiosity, smiling slightly and she quickly glances away, feeling slightly awkward. Echo has noticed Monty tends to look at Harper like that a lot, with a soft smile and a slightly dazzled look in his eyes, as if he can't quite believe she's real.

 

“Is your friend in the bunker?” Echo asks suddenly wanting to fill the silence.

 

She regrets it almost immediately when Harper’s movements still for a moment, she seems to recover quickly though.

 

“No.” She gives Echo a slightly tight smile, not at all like her usual grin. “She died.”

 

Echo shifts slightly, turning her head to face Harper more fully.

 

“I’m sorry.” She replies, and she really is.

 

Harper shrugs, beginning to tie some ties around the bottom of the braids.

 

“It’s okay, we’ve all lost people, right?” Harper says, with and distant look in her eyes, it’s the sad look Echo sometimes catches, its rare, Harper tends to be the person to cheer everyone up, but occasionally, Echo suspects when she thinks people won’t notice, she looks like she’s holding the weight of the world on her shoulders. It’s a heartbreaking and unsettling look to see on someone like Harper. Echo wishes she could help, but Harper is right, death is perhaps the only constant all of them have known, she can’t bring her friend Monroe back. “All done!” Harper exclaims, the look suddenly wiped from her face.

 

“Thank you.” Echo replies, and before she can change her mind wraps Harper into a tight hug. Harper stiffens for a moment, clearly shocked at the display of affection but soon she is squeezing Echo tightly too. They are obviously drawing stares from the other side of the room, but Echo finds she doesn’t mind. They pull always after a moment and Harper suddenly jumps up and pulls Echo over to the group to show off her braid work to Monty, Raven and Emori.

 

Monty grins and listens with rapt attention, while Emori and Raven crack a few jokes. She isn’t sure how the couple stays so upbeat, but they look at each other with something like magic in their eyes and Echo thinks maybe that’s part of the reason.


	19. Day 250

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm alive!!!! 
> 
> I'm very sorry for the delay, I lost my chapter outlines and got very demotivated, then got sidelined by finishing my becho fic. 
> 
> I am very excited for season 6 though, so hopefully this motivation stays!

_“Security and safety were the reward of dullness.”_ ― Hanif Kureishi

**Day 250**

There were many things about Earth Echo missed, the wind, the animals, even the people.

 

She missed being able to go on long walks, getting lost in the scenery as she traveled from village to village.

 

She missed the sounds, the birds and chatter.

 

She was used to the unnatural sounds of the ring, used to the stale air, even used to the small spaces.

 

There was one thing she struggled to get over.

 

The food.

 

Echo wouldn’t consider her time on earth as filled with rich foods. She ate what she could get, whenever she could.

 

It was the life of a spy.

 

It was a small pleasure she would occasionally give into; she could admit that now. To find a village, barter for a dish, filled with spice and warmth.

 

The ring had nothing of the sort.

 

She thought she had been eating to survive before, she was wrong.

 

Algae was eating to survive.

 

She had helped Monty and Harper grow some of it, thinking knowing the process, allowing it to feel more like farming, could help.

 

It didn't.

  
She enjoyed her time with them both, craved the feeling of being useful, but it didn’t feel like she thought farming would.

 

What happened to Murphy still stuck in her mind, making her eye the food cautiously each night.

 

She knew it could be worse.

 

Starving would be worse.

 

They all still sat around the table, waiting for Monty to bring in their rations. Raven was explaining some machine she was working on to try and boost the radio signal. At a certain point it became background noise to Echo. It was almost calming though, the sound of Raven animatedly chatting to Emori.

 

Murphy and Bellamy were huddled together, clearly engaging in a heated debate and Harper was helping Monty with the food. Echo took a deep breath and allowed herself to relish in the routine for a moment.

 

It was monotonous, sometimes, how little they could do; but a tiny part of Echo, a part she rarely gave voice to, found that almost comforting.

 

She would always wake up in the same bed, always walk with Raven to breakfast, always laugh at one of Murphy’s jokes, always have a job to do.

 

There was security, in monotony. Security that Echo had never had before.

 

“What do you think?” Murphy asks, looking at her suddenly.

 

“About what?” Echo replies, furrowing her brow.

 

Murphy rolls his eyes, clearly expecting her to have been listening.

 

She usually would have; it was in her nature.

 

She supposes security makes you relaxed as well.

 

“Bellamy says the best food was panther, I think its rabbit.” Murphy explains, catching Raven and Emori’s attention.

 

“John’s right.” Emroi interjects. “He’s the randzi.”

 

“A chef.” Raven says, looking pleased with herself, much to Emori’s amusement.

 

Echo simply shrugs when Murphy’s eyes stay on her.

 

“Oh, come on.” He pushes.

 

“We didn’t have much of either in Azgeda.”

 

It was true, but not an answer. She had tried both, each had their merit, but she didn’t see the benefit of talking about better foods with what was coming.

 

“What did you have?” Bellamy interjects.

 

Echo sends him a nervous glance and shrugs again.

 

“Stew, mostly.”

 

Azgedans were very good at making a little go far. Especially when Nia refused imports in an attempt to derail the coalition. She would shout and rage that they didn’t need help. Perhaps the palace didn’t, but being a spy, Echo saw many people that did need help.

 

Echo was lucky, she got to travel to other clans, where much more could grow.

 

“With what?” Raven asks.

 

Echo sighs.

 

“With anything.” When all the sky people remain perplexed, she continues. “I thought you all studied the Earth? Not a lot grows in the snow.” She snaps.

 

“Or the desert.” Emori mumbles, sounding a little irritated.

 

An awkward silence passes over the group and Echo feels guilty for snapping. Skaikru did this a lot, sometimes Echo forgets that they like to talk, about the Earth, their lives before, sometimes, their lives after.

 

Echo was never much of a talker.

 

Monty and Harper come over, clearly noting the awkwardness of the room and serve them all a portion of algae, before taking their own seats.

 

Monty explains the changes he made to the recipe into the silence and sighs when he gets little response.

 

Echo clenches her jaw after a few beats of silence.

 

“Fish.” She says. Several confused sets of eyes land on her and she takes a drink of her algae. “I liked fish.”

 

Monty and Harper exchange a confused look, but Murphy looks almost delighted that the conversation had restarted.

 

“Fish?” He asks, leaning forward slightly.

 

“Yeah fish.” Echo nods. “I liked catching it and good plants grow near rivers.”

 

Murphy throws Emori a pleased look that Echo doesn’t understand; she’s glad her answer was acceptable though.

 

“You fished in rivers?” Raven asks, grinning the way she did whenever Echo talked about herself.

 

“Yes Raven.” Echo replies.

 

“What about the sea?” Bellamy says, quietly.

 

Echo shrugs again, taking another sip of algae, finding it slightly less sharp this time.

 

“Sometimes, it’s harder though.” Echo explains. “Good plants grow there too.”

 

Bellamy seems to consider this for a moment, before nodding.

 

“We saw some of that.” Murphy pipes up again. She doesn’t think she’s ever seen the man this into a discussion.

 

“The plants were bitter.” Emori supplies.

 

Echo nods.

 

“You need to cook the ones by the sea.”

 

“The river is better.” Emori mumbles, looking up from he algae to give Echo a small smile. “You’re right.”

 

Echo feels a smile overtake her face at that.

 

From what she understands Emori traveled a little, even if she spent lots of time in the dead zone. It caused warmth to flow in Echo’s chest, to know they had this small thing in common.

 

It felt a little bit like a win.

 

Monty looks between them all, still slightly out of the loop.

 

“So?” He asks. “Do you like the new recipe?”

 

There’s a mixture of groans and chuckles, Harper gives him a smile and rests a hand on his arm.

 

“I like it.” Echo says, before she realises.

 

Monty looks up, a face splitting smile on his face, she’s aware everyone is looking at her like she’s grown another head.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chef Murphy is very important to me


End file.
